The Learning Xanax

crazy dufflebag man

2006-03-07T16:26:00.000-08:00

last night mark drove through the mist that blanketed los angeles to the nuart to catch a screening of "in cold blood." as i've previously mentioned, i loved "capote" but have not had the pleasure of reading the book "in cold blood" nor have i seen the film adaptation. jessica tells me she loved the book, while mark loved the film.

standing in the lobby waiting for the film to start we were chatting with the theatre manager about the film. some guy, a stranger, who had just seen the film inserted himself into the conversation. first of all i hate when people do that. so he was all "you haven't seen the movie before?" and i was all "no, but i loved capote so my interest was piqued." so he explained that, like myself, he saw "capote" and then saw "in cold blood." at this point it became apparent that he'd just gotten off the crazy train. he suddenly became somewhat angry and agitated at capote. "why it's nothing more than a REMAKE!" he exclaimed. "except that the capote character in the original, instead of being.." (he then kind of cocked his hip to one side and held up his hand, his pinkie extended in some sort of silent film style pantomime of a sissy) "...he's just a regular straight-talking joe." he didn't actually say "straight-talking" but it was something like that. even though i suspected that he was wrong, i couldn't argue with him. or maybe i didn't want to. the crazy man continued on his tirade. "and THEN phillip seymore hoffman goes and wins an oscar. FOR A REMAKE!" i believe i shrugged. the man, who was carrying a large duffle bag, then headed for the exit shouting back, "you'll see!"

now that i've seen the movie, all i have to say is that crazy dufflebag man is completely wrong about everything. WRONG. you're wrong, crazy dufflebag man.

it's all about meme

2006-02-27T17:46:00.000-08:00

so, it looks like for the first time in the life of this blog i've been "tagged" to do one of these "meme" things. and so here goes:

four jobs i've had:
1. one summer i worked in a maxi pad factory. i wore a hair net and took always slender regulars with wings off a conveyor belt and stacked them neatly in a carboard box. for 8 hours a day.
2. when i first moved to los angeles i worked as a messenger. i seem to recall going through a tank of gas a day. could that be possible?
3. in college i worked at a bagel shop. i even had to a special 2 day orientation in another city where i learned how to cut bagels and make bagel sandwiches. bagels are serious business.
4. i've done lots of retail - some of the things i've sold include, $300 throw pillows, slip-covered sofas, lucky brand jeans (back when they had the dip can imprint in the back pocket), doc martins, ralph lauren chinos, tommy hilfiger coats, bagels, books.

four movies i can watch over and over:
1. rear window
2. showgirls
3. election
4. rosemary's baby

four places i've lived:
1. manhattan, kansas (the "little" apple)
2. salt lake city, utah
3. ithaca, new york
4. new brunswick, new jersey

four TV shows i love:
1. project runway
2. nip/tuck - although i'm not very happy about how the carver storyline was resolved
3. arrested development
4. sex and the city

four places i've vacationed:
1. gulf shores, alabama
2. palm springs, california
3. disneyworld
4. branson, missouri

four of my favorite dishes: (this one is difficult as i love to eat)
1. chips and salsa or guacamole - my biggest weakness
2. indian food. i just love indian food. i don't really care what it is.
3. i make a really great pepper crusted filet mignon that i serve with a romain and watercress caesar salad dressed with a rich yolky dressing and home-made croutons.
4. coconut cake

four sites i visit daily:
1. curbed la - what can i say, i love a good mixed-use development
2. semissourian.com - it's all about speak out
3. towleroad - the perfect combination of gay sex and gay news
4. food network - getting ideas for my next meal

four places i would rather be right now:
1. at home
2. shopping
3. eating some pot roast at jar
4. visiting someplace i've never been. at the top of the list is london, paris, barcelona, rome

the chicken dilema

2006-02-22T15:55:00.000-08:00

i like to pick. in our kitchenette here at the office i frequently pull off a chunk of a bagel and dip it in the cream cheese. i just want a taste. i don't want the whole thing. on fridays, i break off a little bit of donut and leave the rest in the box. sometimes a little later, i come back and break a little more off. i have been known to tear open an individual bag of doritos just so i can take one or two of the chips and leave the rest of the open bag. as a child i used to steal little drinks from my mom's glasses of soda rather than pouring one for myself.

ok so picture it: half a roasted chicken has been sitting on the counter in the kitchenette for several hours. i'm hungry. no one has claimed it. as far as i'm concerned it's fair game. everytime i go into the kitchenette and size up the situation, co-workers inform me that they think the chicken belongs to the head of the company, BUT they are sure i can cut off a chunk, that he wouldn't mind. i mean, he probably wouldn't mind, right. if he didn't want people to pick at the chicken, it wouldn't be on the counter tempting us all. is this a test?

i really want some of that chicken. i can see it from my desk.

quote whore

2006-02-16T09:32:00.000-08:00

driving to work this morning i was stopped in traffic and i look over to the bus that's stopped beside me. on the side of the bus is an ad for a movie that is soon coming to dvd and at the bottom of the ad is a glowing quote from a reviewer. i squint to see what hack critic gave this unworthy film such high praise and it turns out to be my nemesis from college. i really shouldn't be surprised. every so often i read his schlocky reviews on rotten tomatoes, but this is the first time i've seen one of his gushy quotes pulled for an ad.

god.

get back to work

2006-02-10T11:04:00.000-08:00

so after two months of being unemployed, i am finally back to work. my time off sort of flew by despite the fact that i didn't seem to do anything other than watch food network and go to the gym. i didn't do nearly any of the things i had wanted to. i didn't travel. i didn't see that many movies (although i did rent some and watched various extras and commentaries, mostly for crap that i didn't want to see in the theatre, such as dark water - god. how unneccesary is THAT movie). i didn't do anything cultural, although i did go to the library a couple times. that counts, doesn't it? i wanted to have lunch with my friends more than i did. i cooked a lot and i went out quite a bit, which is part of my 2006 as reliving my mid-twenties plan. i did go shopping more than i probably ought to have considering that i was making no money. but i lost some weight and i was celebrating with new clothes.

anyway. it's nice to be employed, back at the same company i've worked many times in the past. i'm working on the first episode of the second season of the show i worked on last year - the season premiere, if you will. it's a little nerve racking to work on an episode laden with expectations, but i'm sure it'll be fine. it's fun to be back. it's kind of like the beginning of a new school year. lots of familiar faces. some new ones. some cute new ones. ah the life of a freelancer.

oprah demands the truth

2006-01-26T17:26:00.000-08:00

poor poor oprah. first hermes won't let her buy a purse and then james frey makes her look like a fool.

actually that stupid oprah makes me mad. her whole self-righteous scolding of james frey and his book of lies this afternoon was nauseating. all this bullshit about what is a lie and what is a truth was nothing but lip flap. all oprah cares about is her own repuation. who cares whether he was telling the truth? who cares whether his book is marketed as a memior or whether elements of it were fictional. i'm sure oprah has had guests on her show who her own producers urged to bend the truth or omit certain facts, in the interest of creating a more compelling story. the truth is subjective, people.

wow, i'm all fired up considering i've not even seen the cover of james frey's book, much less read it. actaully right now i'm reading the biography of the lovely and regal grace kelly. a few interesting things i've discovered about princess grace include:

-she had a sexual appetite that rivalled joan crawford.

-she was her family's jan brady. after going to drama school she returned home to philadelphia with her new "grace kelly" accent and her whole family laughed at her, just like when jan got the big afro wig.

-she went to shcool with the real life von trapp children.

pretty interesting, right? now that grace had some class.

an update

2006-01-17T10:25:00.000-08:00

ok. i'm totally sorry i haven't been posting. i'm unemployed right now and as such i don't spend all thim much time in front of the computer. it seems i've been quite busy. here's what i've been up to, in no particular order:

-made two visits to the new west elm store down on third stree promenade. we had to re-accessorize annie's apartment. 2006 is the year od non-symetry. can i just say that the people who work at west elm are all idiots.

-had jury duty. down town. i had high hopes of getting called onto a case and then i was planning on manipulating the rest of the jurors into thinking whatever i wanted them to. but then i got lost 3 times driving down their and then went to the wrong building. by that point i just wanted to go back home. screw the justice system.

-one of the fug girls went shopping with me for all new clothes. this year it's all about brokeback moutain gay cowboy shirts and tight boot cut jeans.

-i witnessed a fantastic cat fight between 3 girls out side a club in west hollywood. several bouncers struggled to pry them apart and at one point, one of the girls went flying off the curb and landed on her back in the street. it was shocking. in the end, one of the bounced, a bemused look on his face, held up a single mangled gold strappy heel that was left behind.

-saw king kong at the new theatres at century city mall. too long.

-annie, pierson and i went to a jazz concert in los feliz and then afterward when out to good luck bar with the singer of the band and a friend of his - a nanny for some actress on a show on nbc.

-saw a hit and run the the parking lot of my supermarket. the victim was a limodriver with his client in the back seat. well it wasn't exactly a limo, it was one of those dark towncars. he got out and remarked that he thought the other person hit him on purpose. "she DEFINATELY did it on purpose." we all watched as the agressor, clearly angry at the limo driver, shook her indext finger at him and then sped out of the lot, almost running someone over.

-went to mickey's in weho on sunday night where the they had a brokeback mountian hot ass contest. none of the contestants were what i would call hot. although the go-go boys were particulary randy. one was completely nude and had just a cowboy hat covering his junk. as he danced he would sort of grind into the hat as though he was horny enis del mar and the hat was jack "nasty" twist's sweet little ass. some of the other dancers just wore bandanas tied around their units. how i love performance art.

-saw munich after having had 3 or 4 margartias at border grill. not smart. but i loved the movie. i loved the style of it, the clothes the assasins wore, especially daniel craig (his look was all about gay cowboy shirts and tight flares) and there are several scenes where eric bana, with his puppy dog eyes, would make a big table full of food as a way to deal with his morality struggles, and serves the food on this fantastic dishware. oh my god. the wine glasses.

-went to tito's tacos for a late afternoon snack. mmm. crunchy tacos.

-returned the gore vidal book i was reading to the library and checked on one on grace kelly. now that lady was classy. i think i may try to read the biographies of all the hitchcock blondes. i got the idea from my friend heather who read all the biographies of all of frank sinatra's ex-wives.

that's about it.

woooooooooo!

2006-01-04T21:20:00.000-08:00

i'm sitting here at my computer waiting for mark to arrive so we can head out to do laundry and i can hear all this cheering and "wooooooooooo"ing coming from the building next to mine. so i called jessica, a well known football fan, to ask her if there is some sort of big game going on right now. "ican'ttalkrightnowi'llcallyouback," she said before she hung up on me. i know she's been sick, so either she was just about to throw up, or she just answered my question.

won't someone think of the turtles?

2005-12-29T16:07:00.000-08:00

christmas was uneventful and i have to say, i can't wait until new year's is over too. i'm sort of sick of the holidays. i did get some nice presents (some very generous gift certificates and a couple books - one on dutch film director paul verhoeven). mark and i left on christmas eve and drove up to santa maria, where his mother lives. his brother was already up there, having taken the train several days earlier.

it seems that every holiday at mark's mom's is all about eating and sleeping. upon our arrival we had shrimp cocktail. next we had a discussion about the meals we would be having the next day. mark's mom (who is known as dee dee, despite the fact that she is 81 years old) had gotten a mince meat pie for christmas dinner dessert. this apparently was an old family tradition. mark's grandmother (known as mama lisa) used to have mince meat pie with "hard sauce" every christmas. now, i had no idea what had sauce was but we all decided that the pie needed the sauce so after consulting one of deedee's vintage cookbooks, we headed to the store to get the necessary ingredients.

when we got back dinner was ready (salad and a costco chicken pot pie). then after dinner i set out to assemble a sort of savory bread pudding, with spinach and sausage that was to be our breakfast the next morning, so once we all woke up, it just needed to be put in the oven. after opening presents the next day, i got to work in the kitchen. mark's mom quit cooking years ago so i volunteered to make the dinner. we decided to have a ham so really all i was doing were the side dishes. the meal was kind of a funny mix of modern italian and traditional retro. i made garlic and rosemary polenta (which mark's brother at fist kept referring to as "corn meal" which is it, but then we explained that the actual name of the dish is polenta. he then refered to it as "placenta") along with the polenta, i made roasted brussel sprouts and sweet potatoes with garlic, sage and orange zest. deedee made an ambrosia salad, another family tradition. (the idea that any "salad" would have marshmallows - i don't know. i mean i love ambrosia salad, but all that canned fruit) and for dessert, the aforementioned mince meat pie with hard sauce.

as i was making the hard sauce (which does not resemble a sauce so much as it does cinnamon roll icing) we started talking about retro recipes like ambrosia salad and green goddess dressing. deedee mentioned that she had some old cookbooks above the refrigerator if i wanted to look at then. i climbed a stool to take a look. i selected two - the official cookbook of the plaza hotel in new york (published in 1972) and the cookbook put out by "gourmet" magazine (published in 1950).

the recipes in the plaza cookbook are very frou frou (lots of cream based sauces, lots of things served under glass, and for some reason, lots of things named after truman capote). and then in the gourmet cookbook, the recipes get even wierder. i've been through the gallery of regrettable foodsand those pale in comparison to what the gourmet cookbook has to offer. there is every kind of aspic imaginable. there is a section on game (braised bear leg in red wine, filet of bison, terrine of phesant or partridge) there is a whole chapter on innards (calf's brains with black butter, pig's feet in white wine jelly, lamb hearts en casserole d'arenberg, deviled kidneys, and of course sweetbreads) but the most nausiating thing i came across in the cookbook has to be the recipe for snapper turtle soup. the recipe begins "cut the head from a 10 pound snapper and let it bleed well. scrub it with a stiff brush, run a sharp knife around each shell, and pull out the legs from the skin. separate the shells and remove the meat. put the shell, skin, and bones of the turtle in a roasting pan along with 3 1/2 pounds veal knuckles, cracked into small pieces..."

oh jesus. i can't go on. what the fuck was wrong with people in the 50's?!? why would they think it was ok to eat CANNED fruits and vegetables? why would they put marshmallows in salad and encase meat in jello? and why, god, why are they eating turtles? we are not cavemen. why are people eating brains and testicles and bears' legs? why would anyone eat a turtle?

"you seem to be enjoying those books," deedee remarked. "why don't you take them. i have no use for them anymore." and so, i've added these cookbooks to my little library. if anyone needs a good recipe for a cabbage custard ring, let me know (this recipe suggests filling the center of the ring with "creamed peas and carrots or any other creamed food.") oh god - creamed food. i think i just threw up in my mouth.

hello moto

2005-12-23T14:51:00.000-08:00

i have a confession. i've joined the dark side. NO i haven't become a scientologist. i got a cell phone.

i know, i know. people would gasp upon finding out that i didn't have one. (i also do not have a microwave or a tivo if you can believe that) what could be more chilling that the idea that one was unreachable?

oh i used to have a cell phone. 8 years ago when i first moved out here. but i eventually cancelled my service. you see coverage was not very good back in those days - very patchy - and i got fed up that it seemed like all of west hollywood was like a black hole. too many dropped calls was the last straw. i recall hurling the phone against the passenger side door. upon impact the battery flew off and under the seat and the phone wound up in a little pocket near the bottom of the door, where it remained for about 6 years. when i got a new car and was cleaning out the old i came across the phone again. it was kind of hilariously big and heavy, although not like those 80's cell phones that were the size and weight of a brick.

so for years now, i've not had one. and somehow i survived. and i have to say, i rather enjoyed friend's irritation that they couldn't contact me. the more they insisted that i HAVE to get one, the more i resisted. i am a bit of a contrarian, i admit. "what if you had an emergency?" people would ask with great concern. i'd shrug indifferently.

it's not that i'm anti technology. i just didn't want to become one of those horrible people who are addicted to their phones, constantly talking on them, or checking their messages, or text messeging people. they're all over los angeles and i hate them. everyone is so affraid to be alone and they're so concerned with what's going on wherever they are not.

another issue i had was that i just didn't want to carry one. i carry my keys in my front, right pocket, my wallet in my back, right pocket, my ipod in my front right. what do i do with a cell phone? get a belt clip? no. i am not THAT person. a fanny pack or some sort of man purse? i don't think so. you can understand my dilema.

what finally led to my decision to get a cell phone was a succession of missunderstandings that resulted in fights between mark and myself. i'm not going to go into the boring details, although they usually spawned from the confusion of trying to meet up with someone at a certain time in a crowded public place.

and so we decided that for christmas, we'd get cell phones. after polling pretty much everyone i know as to which company they use and what cell phone they have, i finally went out to my local cingular store and walk out with a sexy new silver razr v3. it's slim and overly complicated - just how i like my men.

i've not really used it yet and i have to say, it feels sort of frivolous having a cell phone. i'm sure i'll get used to it. of course yet another distraction is exactly what i need while driving. hopefully i'll eventually learn how to use all the bells and whistles on it. the manual is 220 pages long. of course half of it IS in spanish.

how the mighty have fallen

2005-12-22T17:07:00.000-08:00

last night at the laundromat, the homeless people who hang out there were talking about how "king kong" had a soft opening. one even declared it a flop.

only in hollywood.

my thoughts on nip/tuck's season finale

2005-12-21T15:10:00.000-08:00

last night it was all about the season finale of nip/tuck. mark and i had some dumb holiday party that he was obligated to attend and so i was on edge the entire time, anxious that we wouldn't make it back home in time. i purposely did not set my vcr (NO i don't have a tivo) as insurance to make sure that we would be forced to leave the party in time to get back to my place.

once i got home, i had a message from annie. "hi, we're watching nip/tuck and i had a question." (you see because the have direct tv or whatever, they get the east coast feed and can watch it earlier). i instantly deleted the message, with out listening to the rest of it. i couldn't take a chance that she was going to reveal anything. and to make sure there would be no interruptions, i put the phone under a pillow in my bedroom (while getting ready for bed, i came across it. "oh!" i said to myself. "HERE's the phone."

and so...

i'm not completely satisfied that quentin was the carver, although the reveal that he and kit were brother and sister as well as the presence of nuns, made it a little better. i mean, everything was sort of pointing right at him. i was sure the writers wouldn't be so obvious. "quentin is EXACTLY who the writers WANT you to think the carver it," i would scoff at people who thought they had it figured out. it sort of seemed like the powers that be hadn't decided who the carver was until the last minute and then had to go back and force it to make sense even though it still doesn't. here is a list of people i wish HAD been the carver

1) merril bobolit - he makes the most sense as the carver. he was unatractive and once kimber left him and his business failed he would have the motive to scar the pretty people AND to kidnap kimber.

2) matt - he's so fucked up. he hates both his fathers and it would make sense that he'd slash them.

3) liz - for reasons they sort of addressed in the episode last night - that she too is unattractive and her femi-nazi moralizing about people desperate to be pretty makes her a great possibility.

4) gina - this is a bit of a stretch, but i like the idea that perhaps it's a ploy to get attention from christian.

5) julia - again, this wouldn't make a whole lot of sense, but she, like liz, has lots of negative opinions about the practice of plastic surgery. she could be jealous that she gave up her promissing career as a doctor and now sean is wasting his talent giving skinny bitches boob jobs. also she's crazy.

i wish it had been julia. also, that was a pretty flacid cliff-hanger. i am so not on the edge of my seat as compared to last season's. ava moore walking down a concourse on her way to paris while the carver slashes christian, possibly killing him - fantastic. julia and sean talking about the deed to their house while she secretly wonders if her baby is okay - feh.

all i can say is that julia better have some freaky defect baby.

damn you, rudy's

2005-12-21T14:58:00.000-08:00

around 11 or so this morning i called rudy's barbershop to inquire as to how long the wait was. when their scheduler or whatever picked up the phone, it sounded like he was at a rave. he told me 2 to 2 1/2 hours, BUT advised that i call before i had over just to make sure. now this sort of wait is typical on a weekend, but for a weekday? i mean come on. so it is currently about 3 pm. i JUST called and was told it might be another 45 to an hour. "seriously," i asked the guy, more than a little irritated, "is this even going to happen today?" i sort of wanted to ask to speak to a manager. "oh yeah," he assured me. "you're name's on the last and i'm guarding your spot."

sigh. he had me a guarding. i WANT to be mad, but the guy sounded really cute.

i feel like i'm in a relationship with a cute but flakey guy, where you always make plans and he always forgets but always has kind of a good excuse.

should i break it off with rudy's? i don't think he's ever going to change.

many thanks

2005-12-15T12:04:00.000-08:00

ugh. i have to write thank you notes for all the birthday gifts i got. god what a CHORE! i swear it makes me glad that gays are not allowed to get married, can you imagine all the thank you notes brides and grooms have to write? i don't know that it's worth it.

i bought a box of thank you notes last year for my birthday or something and i only have three left so i have to go buy more. i walked down the street to a great little gift store called lemon tree bungalow, but all the cards they had were so girly. i might take a walk later over to a different light to see if they have any, but i can only assume that if they do, the cards will covered in erections.

in this day and age, are thank you emails acceptable?

well fed

2005-12-14T11:11:00.000-08:00

as readers of the learning xananx know, i love food. so i've been working on a little side project. i've created a little companion blog that more specifically deals with my culinary interests. it's pretty much yet another food blog, filled with recipes and pictures, the difference being that I wrote it. so in addition to ingredients lists and detailed step by step instructions, you'll get my sparkling wit dusted over everything like confectioners suger over a platter of linzer cookies.

the recipes that are featured come from all over the place - various food network chefs, the many cookbooks i have, websites and other food blogs, co-workers, family members or some i actually just made up. just note that i'm still tweaking the design so eventually i hope it will look a little more polished. and eventually there will be little introductions to each recipe that explains why i made the recipe, where it came from and what i served it with. feel free to post comments. seriously people. i want to see some comments.

and so, ladies and gentlemen, i present you well fed.

i hope you enjoy it.

the saga of the seating chart

2005-12-13T15:56:00.000-08:00

despite the fact that i just turned 32, i keep getting carded. isn't that funny? i love it. it just happened again at trader joe's when i was picking up a bottle of wine. i think i've been carded more in the last month and a half than in the last five years.

so as i mentioned in my previous post, my birthday dinner was this past friday. i had about 18 of my friends gather at this fantastic restaurant called chameau. i had read about it in "los angeles" magazine when i was visiting my friend steve in virginia. he was teaching class and i was killing time in the student union. in the back of the magazine they have a restaurant listing with a little write up on a bunch of places around la that are of note. when i read that chameau was a modern mixture of moroccan and french i was immediately intrigued. and so i set out to plan myself a birthday dinner.

a few months ago, my friend mary had a fantastic birthday dinner hosted by her parents at a great restaurant called pane e vino. at her dinner she did a seating chart. outside a wedding, i had never been to a dinner that had a seating chart. she told me that she spent a lot of time on it and i have to say it worked out brilliantly. usually at a function like this, groups of friends tend to cluster with people they know already and no one really gets to know anyone new. well this seating chart FORCED people to get to know people they didn't. so i decided to steal mary's idea for my own party.

at annie's suggestion, i went into beverly hills to go to a store called paper source so i could get some place cards. i wrote them all out and set out to do the arrangement. i knew that certain guests didn't particularly care for one another, so i toyed with the idea of seating them beside one other, just to be wicked. i also considered breaking up some of the couples who were coming, so that partners were at opposite ends of the table. JUST BECAUSE I COULD. such delicious power. i may not be able to control what people were talking about but at least i could control WHO people were talking to. in the end i decided to fight back my devilish inclinations and came up with a chart that made everyone comfortable but also made people get to know people they didn't. my plan was perfect.

or so i thought. mark and i arrived early at the restaurant and got the table set up properly and set out the place cards. soon people began to trickle in and take their place. CERTAIN guests, however, didn't FEEL like obeying the seating chart. you can imagine how livid i was. LIVID. mary refered to the person in question as "a social bully" and urged me to go stand up to them. i probably ought to have, but really, i didn't want to make a scene, because believe me, it would have been a scene. i envisioned grabbing the person by the upper arm and marhcing them over to the assigned seat. "ow," the person would yelp, spilling their drink on someone's shoulder, "you're hurting me." "you sit where you are TOLD," i'd hiss back.

well. i ended up just dealing with it. people seemed to have a good time, so what difference did it make where people sat.

within no time i'd had another glass of wine, my buzz was stronger and all i cared about was decided what to eat. and what an interesting menu, too. on the table were platters of seeded breads, marinated olives and dipping oil seasoned with either minced anchovy or sardine. i don't remember (thank you wine). as a starter i had grilled merguez sausage that was served a chickpea puree, cipollini onions and an eggplant salad.

and then for my entree i had the lamb shank tagine with a vegetable couscous (which they make from scratch).

both were fan-freaking-tastic. such a great mixture of spices, flavors and textures. it's all about contrast, you know. then for dessert, i had a bowl of honey ice cream (not pictured). after dinner the plan WAS to head over to o bar, but in the end, the meal lasted more than 3 hours and i think most of my friends had grown tired of me, so most of them went home. i did, however, get a plethora of fabulous gifts. aren't people nice? what a lovely birthday. thank you to everyone who was a part of it.

happy birthday to me

2005-12-08T11:31:00.000-08:00

yesterday was my birthday. it was also my first day of unemployment. i'm done with my latest project and i have nothing lined up, job wise, for the foreseeable future. it's a little scary. i hate being unemployed for the holidays. but it was my birthday so i decided to just not think about it.

it was a nice leisurely day. i woke up and after a few phonecalls i settled in and watched the documentary cult classic "grey gardens," which i'd never seen but everyone assured me that i would love. i DID and when little eddie explained how versatile her outfit that day was, because, if need be, she could remove her ill fitting skirt and use it as a cape i had to give jessica a call and demand that we watch it together sometime. she told me that she thought she'd already seen the film but when i described little eddie's skirt as cape concept her reply was "i'm pretty sure i would have remembered that."

after i finished the film i was off to the gym and when i returned i spoke with my parents for my regular birthday call. "you weren't here yet," my mom reminded me referring to the fact that it was only 3 in the afternoon and i wasn't born until 10:30 pm. every year on my birthday my mom sort of relives the saga of my birth (my aunt drove her to the hospital because my father was, at the time, a pilot for the us postal services and he was off flying someplace). she goes into how much i weighed and how long i was and how, unlike most other babies, i wasn't "all googlie-eyed, like the cookie monster." instead, apparently i looked right in her eyes as she explained that she was my mother.

after the call i showered and got ready and then headed over to annie's. the plan was that mark and i would meet up over at annie and pierson's and then together we'd all go in one car up to the getty center. you see, there is an exhibit going on right now of jullius shulman's architectural photography and as a part of the exhibit, the getty was screening a very old bbc2 documentary show called "reyner banham loves los angeles."

upon my arrival, annie had a nice champagne cocktail waiting. soon mark arrived and after we finished our drinks we headed up to the museum. it was a very polished crowd and the film, made in 1972, was a too amusing look back at an LA of the past (venice was a barren shit hole and hippies tired of communal living were now making residence in vans). some long-winded blow-hard who loved the sound of his own voice did a "little" introduction to the film. he totally harshed my champagne buzz, and so by the time the film was over, we skipped the discussion and q&a that followed and headed down the the W hotel in westwood, for a drink and some nibblies.

then we headed back to annie and pierson's for birthday cake and prezzies. earlier in the week i suggested to annie that perhaps she'd want to make me a birthday cake. "i have to make you a cake?" she whimpered. "I made YOU a cake on YOUR birthday," i reminded her firmly. "yeah and it was a DISASTER," she pointed out. "well then i would think you'd want to take this opportunity to show me up." when i put it that way, she warmed to the idea. i even gave her three options of cakes that i'd enjoy (white or yellow coconut cake with cream cheese frosting and a coconut cream layer inside, a red velvet cake, or a carrot cake). "if i for one minute suspect that the cake you make came from a mix OR in any way utilized cool whip," i warned annie, "i'm going to throw the entire thing at your womb chair." i'll be the first to admit that i can be slightly demanding. did i mention i'm an only child? tuesday night she left me a message saying that she was in the midst of assembling the cake and she just knew i was going to love it. although she admitted that it was only once she started filling the cake pans with batter, that she realized that two of the pans were 9 inch round and one was 8 inch round.

so once we got back to their place, she pulled the cake out of the fridge and it did look lovely. she told me that she put the smaller layer in the center and used frosting to make up the difference. i don't know that i would have been able to tell, just by looking at it, but i do like the idea of more frosting.

after some more champagne cocktails and the opening of the gifts, annie sliced into the cake.

annie explained that it had in it carrots, pineapple, coconut, macadamia nuts, and crystallized ginger. she used more macadamia nuts ande crystallized ginger to decorate the cake. i took a bite and i thought it was great. it was moist and spicy, but not too sweet. i think some larger chunks of the macadamia nuts would have been nice in the cake, but it still tasted great the way it was. the cream cheese frosting was flavored with sweetened creeam of coco and had a very nice light consistency - almost whipped. the whole cake was a success. way to go annie.

after we ate we watched the premiere of "project runway 2." it was SO GOOD. it was the perfect end to a great birthday. of course, my birthday is far from over. my big dinner party is this friday. that's going to be a good time. i'm doing a seating chart.

birthday at the border grill

2005-12-04T23:35:00.000-08:00

as an early birthday present, my friend Jeffrey invited me to join him and his brother, who was visiting from out of town, to attend a little cooking class at the border grill in santa monica.

the class was presented by the restaurant's founders, mary sue milliken and susan feniger who demonstrated the complete menu for a "winter feast." i had only just been to the restaurant for the first time a few weeks ago. annie and i met up with heather at the new west elm store, which is right beside the restaurant and after perusing their wares, we decided to stop in for some mid afternoon cocktails and a little lunch, both of which i enjoyed quite a lot. i love latin flavors and these were done in such a fun modern way. i had a cherry margarita and i always loves me some chips and salsa, and at border grill they serve THREE different salsas. heather proclaimed the guac to be the best she's ever had.

anyway, for the cooking class the entire restaurant was shut down and a small stage was erected along one side of the dining room. the two chefs explained and demonstrated each recipe for each course of the menu while we the audience followed along in a little booklet that featured the recipes. then waiters would bring out the finished dish for all of us to sample.

"we always like to start our cooking classes with a drink," mary sue told the audience, motioning for waiters to bring us all a "celebritas."

these were a really interesting take on margaritas, made with CELERY JUICE and served in glassed rimmed with home made celery salt. now i know that celery juice doesn't exactly sound sexy, but trust me, the were fucking great (i had four). they are light and refreshing. normally i don't care for marg's rimmed with salt, but this celery salt was more mild and had a sort of flakey texture. it was just fantastic. plus, as they explained, thanks to the celery, they are actually good for you. i love being drunk and heathy.

the first course was a turkey albondigas soup.

it was a brothy soup with turkey meatballs and very thinly sliced leeks and white cabbage. while i loved the flavors and would totally make it at home, the broth was a little oily and the despite being submerged in the soup, the meatballs were oddly dry - as if they were added to the soup at the last minute, rather that really steeping in the liquid.

next was the salad course. i took a picture of it but when i loaded it on my computer it turned out to be out of focus. i am so sorry you can't see it because it was fantastic. on a bed of arugula, spinach and assorted herbs such as mint, parsley and chives was half a pear that was poached in cranberry juice and stuffed with cabrales blue cheese. the pear was warm and the cheese slightly melted. the salad was tossed in a simple red wine vinaigrette and finished off with maple glazed pecans and dried cranberries. the pears, blue cheese, pecans and dried cranberries were fantastic together, a great contrast of flavors and textures. don't you love fruit in salads? i know i do.

the main course was a tamarind glazed salmon topped with an orange salsa and served with mashed yucca and braised cabbage with cumin.

so the glaze on the salmon was sort of sticky and sweet and to counter balance that the orange salsa was fresh and light. it featured a habernero pepper and something called a chayote squash, which up until now i've been unfamiliar with, but am anxious to try cooking with. as in the soup, everything in the salsa was very thinly julienned rather than a traditional course chop. the side of cabbage was very good. i've made something similar but with red cabbage and caraway seeds, braised in apple cider. this was a very nice variation. just so you know, cumin is one of my favorite spices. and then there was the mashed yucca. oh. my. god. it was fantastic. it's a root so it has similar characteristics of say a potato or a parsnip, starchy and heavy, in a good way, but the texture is more - i don't know how to describe it - glossy. it's sort of glossy. also like mashed potates, it was seasoned with salt, pepper, butter and garlic, but it was finished off with white vinegar, giving it a really nice tang.

for dessert we had sweet potato s'mores.

they way they justified using sweet potatoes in a dessert made a lot of sense. sweet potatoes are a common holiday side often candied with maple and pecans and topped with marshmallows. so they decided to take that concept and merge it with a sort of deconstructed s'more. what they did was steam sweet potato medallions until tender and then they coated them with a graham cracker crust. they topped this with an artisanal marshmallow that was flavored with maple and pecan. with a blow torch they scorched the marshmallow and then drizzled the entire thing with melted scarffen berger chocolate. it was delectable - very sweet and very goey, but with a crisp and heavy base, thanks to the sweet potato. believe me, it was very filling.

the whole class was such a treat. i can't wait to try milliken and feniger's other restaurant, ciudad and i would LOVE another one of those celery margaritias. such a great early birthday present. thank you jeffrey!

thank you silpat

2005-11-28T10:13:00.000-08:00

as you may recall, as i was cleaning out my cupboards i came across a whole bunch of raisins and i thought that perhaps i would use them to make oatmeal raisin cookies. well that's exactly what i did with them. the recipe i decided on also helped use up some of the two jars of honey i found as well as some walnuts i've had in the freezer since i don't know when.

on the rare occasions that i bake cookies, i find the my non-stick baking sheets tend to brown the bottoms too much. so i decided that this was the perfect excuse to get a silpat - the french, oven-safe rubber baking mat that martha stewart has advised for years that we all invest in. it's not that i doubted martha (one mustn't ever doubt martha) it's just that they seemed a little expensive and considering how much i bake it didn't seem worth it. but i decided to go ahead and splurge and so i headed off to williams sonoma at the beverly center and picked up one for myself. (i later phoned my mom and informed her that one of her brithday presents to me would be the silpat)

i began by assembling my ingredients.

2 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
1/4 cup solid vegetable shortening, room temperature (so after all this questioning about what i would have used crisco for, now i ended up having to buy more for these cookies. also, just so you know, i think i recall why i had it in the first place. i think i used to to season my cast iron grill pan. would that make sense?)
1 cup sugar
1 cup (packed) dark brown sugar
1/4 cup honey
2 large eggs
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
3 cups old-fashioned oats
1 1/2 cup raisins (i used a mixture of golden and regular which i plumped in some hot water, to rejuvinate them a little, which got me thinking. what if i soaked them in rum? how crazy is that? oatmeal rum raisin cookies!)
1 cup chopped walnuts
1 cup semi sweet chocolate chips

i was going to throw some coconut in there too, since i also had that in the freezer (along with five year old egg whites - i expect for all those meringues i was going to make eventually) but it seemed like it was getting to be too much.

first i creamed the butter, shortening, the brown sugar and the regular sugar for about five minutes until the butter was pale and fluffy.

next i added the eggs, honey, and vanilla and then gradually added the flour (which i had whisked with the baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon)

then i added the oats, walnuts and chocolate chips.

i spooned nice big golf ball sized clumps onto the silpat and baked at 350, hoping that they would not spread out too much and form one big deformed oatmeal blob.

and yet, about 16 minutes later, they looked perfect.

when researching the recipe i was looking for a nice fluffy, chewy cooking. many that i found were the thin lacey type or promised to be crunchy. these were exactly what i was hoping for.

they were chewy in the center and the edges were crisp. and thanks to my new silpat, the bottoms were PERFECT.

the recipe made two and a half dozen, although if i had made them smaller (which i would do next time) i could probably get 3 dozen.

so i loaded some in my cookie jar and took the rest up to santa maria to share (even though sharing isn't really in my nature - i'm an only child) with mark's mom and brother for thanksgiving.

i think i'm going to go have a cookie now. they're perfect for breakfast.

the carver strikes again?

2005-11-23T14:25:00.000-08:00

how good was "nip/tuck" last night? god i love that show. it's perfect that matt is hooking up with some crazy neo-nazi girlfriend. and the whole ending? she's sitting there in her wedding gown getting ready. there is a knock at the door. without looking she says she's be right there. just over her shoulder, the door slowly swings open. cut to christian standing at the alter, waiting and waiting. he and sean go back and find her farewell message scrawled in lipstick on the mirror. they THINK she's pulled a runaway brind. but actually, she's been kidnapped by the carver. it's perfect! (i always hoped that "the OC" would have crazy oliver come back and kidnap marissa.)

also i'd like to point out that, matt, dr. costas and liz were nowhere to be seen at the wedding. they want us to THINK that perhaps the carver is one of them. i however think it's dr. merril bobolit. his practice fell apart after giving a dog hair plugs. and then while high on drugs he wanted to cut off christian's beautiful face in the back of a nail salon because he was fed up with being ugly. and he's never gotten over the fact that kimber left him. so now, left with nothing, he's gone crazy, slashing all the beautiful people. and NOW he's kidnapped kimber.

this show is brilliant.

my thoughts on "brokeback mountain"

2005-11-23T13:16:00.000-08:00

so last night we went to a screening of the highly anticipated "brokeback mountain" and i'm sorry to say this, but i didn't love it. i liked a lot of things about it and i really wanted to love it. (sort of how i felt about "far from heaven") i think perhaps i had built up unattainable expectations. first things first, jake is beautiful and heath, who i've never found attractive was pretty handsome.

it's funny. all during the movie, jake and heath are swaggering around in tight wranglers and cowboy shirts, while poor michelle williams and anne hathaway sit and wait for their husbands to return from their "fishing trips" and look like hell. when michelle isn't working in a local grocery store, she tends to crying babies in her dirty kitchen while wearing ill-fitting housecoats and smocks.

anne fares a little better. after making a spashy entrance on the back of a horse in a red and white cowgirl outfit and loretta lynn hair, she eventually takes over running her family's tractor selling business. every time we see her, she's clacking away at an adding machine with jungle red acrylic nails and a succession of blonder and more feathered Big Texas Hair. she looks like a drag queen. in a good way.

the mountain scenery is very picturesque, however i thought most of the other locations - apartments, offices, bars, etc - didn't look believably vintage. but i have a very fine eye for those sorts of details. (i rented the movie "pollack" the other day, which i had never seen, and the production design on it is fantastic. it perfectly captures the time and place and the actors completely inhabit the characters.)

the acting, for the most part is good. heath is the best and everyone i talk to who's seen it is convinced that he will get a nomination. (oscar seems to love actors who, after years of unimportant roles, finally whip out something that no one thought they were capable of) the women don't have much to do other than act suspicious and hurt. jake gives it his all. they are totally committed to the rough man on man action, but there is something a little unbelievable about jake's performance. i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that the story spans 20 some-odd years and to age jake they give him a moustache and a little pot belly. and yet his face still looks baby soft. i just don't buy him as a man in his 40's. heath either, actually.

the time frame brings me to another issue. the EPIC way the story is treated, i feel, just illuminates how little there is to the story. they meet, eventually hook up and then in the following years, continue to meet and hook up, until tragedy strikes. both men have little consideration for their wives' feelings (heath tells jake that he's devoted to michelle but i never see any feelings of being torn between the man he supposedly loves and the woman and family he spends the rest of his life with) heath's character is a man a few words, and during the scenes in which the two cowboys are away from the judging hetero eyes, they don't seem to be doing much other than fucking and then basking in the afterglow. i didn't see a connection, at least not one that would keep them coming back together year after year for decades. i feel that the heartfelt tragic nature of their relationship wasn't earned. jake needed to understand heath in a way that michelle never could. i didn't see that. maybe the problem is that the short story the movie is based on was written by a woman.

but here i am being nit picky. believe me, i really wanted to love it. this was mark's second time seeing it and during the last half hour, he was weeping. i really wished i was in the same place that he was. and i DID basically like it. i recommend people see it. and as we keep hearing over and over, this is a very big deal that two mainstream hollywood actors were gracious enough to pretend to be gay for the cameras. (even though jake has disassociated himself from the work "gay" in the press, telling reporters that he didn't think his character was homosexual)

i have to say i preferred "capote."

what i found in my pantry

2005-11-22T16:35:00.000-08:00

i am again on a little hiatus. and so this morning i decided to clean out my pantry.

various foodstuffs covered every surface in my tiny, little kitchen.

among some of the things i found were:
- a jar of lingonberries that i bought at the ikea foodmart. i think what prompted me into buying lingonberries was that i saw a recipe for salmon with lingonberry sauce. perhaps i'll try to find the recipe and make it.
- a vat of dried out crisco. i don't have any idea what i would have been making with crisco.
- a jar of mustard shaped like a bear wearing a hat and a bow tie, that mark brought back from the ka de we department store in berlin.

- two little baby ketchup bottles that came with room service from when we stayed at chateau marmont a couple summers ago.
- three cans of new potatoes. why does one need so many new potatoes?
- a can a minced clams that have to be around five years old. how scary is the thought of 5 year old clams?
- lots of raisins, golden and regular. i used to eat them on grape nuts, but now i don't eat grape nuts and now a have lots and lots of rasins. maybe i'll make oatmeal raisin cookies.
- one lone packet of ramen noodles that i'm sure i bought 5 for a dollar when i first moved out here.
- a box of folger's coffee singles. i don't have a coffee maker and my old roommate broke my french press and so i had to turn to folger's coffee singles. it seemed like a feasible alternative at the time.

seriously, what would i have been making with crisco?

and a side of broccoli

2005-11-16T10:58:00.000-08:00

on tuesday nights, i typically make mark and i a nice little dinner to enjoy before we settle in and watch the latest episode of "nip/tuck." up until now, most of the meals have been more of the salady variety, due to the warm weather and the ease with which they can be prepared in the window of time i have between getting home from work and the grocery store and the beginning of the show. now that the weather is finally starting to cool down, i'm excited to get back more into the fall and winter foods that i love - soups, stews, braises, etc. i'm kind of tired of salads. i want something warm.

so on monday i came across a couple recipes that i really wanted to try out - braised fennel and/or braised cauliflower with garlic and capers which i thought would be good accompaniment to perhaps a roast pork loin. but as luck would have it, the weather warmed up again. and so, the thought of another salad filled me with dread although i wanted to cook something lightish. i settled on fish. i spent much of the afternoon perusing various recipe websites looking for a fish dish that struck my fancy. i settled on a tyler florence recipe featured on his show "how to boil water' - baked halibut with prosciutto and a sauce of lemon juice, white wine and capers.

but what to do for a side?

i usually prefer one dish meals as opposed to the whole entree, two sides, one a vegetable, one a starch. it seems kind of momish and plus i'm still learning how to cook several things at once and have it timed so they all finish around the same time. you see, i have one of those narrow apartment stoves, so it's a little difficult to use more that two burners at a time.

anyway, rice seemed like a natural to go with the fish, but rather than do a boring old plain rice, i found a recipe for a rice pilaf with shallots and mustard seeds, which i thought would compliment the lemon and capers quite well. so what to do for a vegetable? i love zucchini and considered grilling some up in my grill pan, but it's just that i've done it so much. i wanted to try something new (to me).

all of this year i have been trying open my mind and palet to foods that up until now, i was convinced that i didn't like. with the exception of cilantro, most of these foods that i avoided had to do more with texture, rather than flavor. (although i have recently learned to not hate cilantro). broccoli was one of foods that i had an issue with. over the past few months, i've eaten it in restaurants and not minded it, but i had still never had much interest in preparing it at home. but yesterday, i decided to attempt it.

on my way home from work i stopped at bristol farms on sunset and la brea to get the halibut and prosciutto and while i was there i picked up one of those flying saucer shaped steamer baskets. (when i was a kid, i would spend hours putting weebles into my mom's steamer basket and flying them to new and far off places in our downstairs family room) once i arrived back home, i prepared all my ingredients and started cooking. since i have never steamed anything before, i was a little leary as to whether it would turn out alright. recipes that i looked at stated that broccoli would steam in 3 to 6 minutes. i found this hard to believe. it just didn't seem like it would cook that quickly. due to the amount of broccoli i bought and the size of the steamer, i had to do two batches. the first one was slightly over cooked, in my opinion, but the second was much closer. the rice was great (very flavorful) and the halibut was perfectly cooked. the lemon caper sauce on the other hand, didn't turn out quite right. first off, i used a little too much butter and wine (i didn't really measure) and so i followed the recipe and added the capers and some parsley but then it took longer than the recipe stated to cook down and thicken. but the time it did, the parsley was no longer a fresh bright green but instead was the depressing color of a 70's refrigerator. oh well, i'll know better next time. the sauce also seemed slightly greasy, and yet the lemony winey flavor was quite good and was great with the tender, flakey fish, the crispy salty prosciutto and the broccoli.

so now, not only am i totally into broccoli, i'm all about steaming. what else can i steam?

apartment porn

2005-11-15T10:52:00.000-08:00

ok how is it i did not know that a sequel to one of my favorite "blank from hell" movies of the 90's was made. "single white female 2: the psycho"

i loved the first "single white female." i even bought the novel that inspired the film and read that. also i wrote a paper on in when i was in film school. the movie is the perfect combination of stylish moody thriller, predatory implied lesbianism and real estate porn. it's probably the best apartment since rosemary and guy woodhouse's in the bramford (dakota). as the credits roll, the camera floats closer to the beauxs arts masterpiece, the Ansonia, on the upper west side. i remember thinking "this building can't be real. it's obviously a miniature or some sort of special effect. god how i loved that apartment! from the foyer just slightly smaller than the oval office to the bathroom with the hexagonal tile floor and separate tub and shower, it was decaying perfection. the rooms were sparsely furnished (the living room had only a vintage loungy sofa, a tv and a 40's oscliating fan) and the late afternoon sun filtered in the gauzy curtains.

i loved bridget fonda's sleek 90's wardrobe and her cute boyish floppy hair (demi moore in "ghost" meets the pretty one in wilson phillips) i mean, how could poor dumpy j.j. leigh NOT be obsessed with her? here are five other things i love about "single white female" :

1. steven weber getting stabbed in the eye with a stilleto. beware of the shoes!
2. when heddy copies allie's hairdo. "you've got to be kidding me," allie hisses as she spins around in the hairdresser's chair to see heddy slinking down the staircase with the exact same bowl cut. i would have been pissed too. i don't even like it when people order the same entree as me.
3. the struggle between heddy and allie in the creepy old red elevator as it rattles down to the basement. i recall actually feeling dizzy the first time i saw it.
4. when allie trails heddy (who is dressed just like allie) to a weird sex club downtown. that heddy is kinky.
5. just when heddy is about to slit allie's throat with a serrated knife, allie looks up and kisses her. so perfect. i guess the message is that while lesbianism is something to be feared, it CAN get you out of a jam.

the 90's were such a good decade for these sorts of stylish adult thrillers. some actually were great ("fatal attraction," "basic instinct," and "malace") and some were just very well done pulpy crap ("the hand the rocks the cradle," "the crush," and "the good son") often they were rated R and featured surprisingly graphic sex scenes. they frequenly took place in citys like san francisco or seatle or any other place with a rocky coast line and a light house. but i guess those days are gone. although now we get well directed stylish ghost stories ("the ring," "the grudge," and "dark water") but they just aren't the same. and i have to say, i'm a little tired of spooky little girls with wet hair hanging in their face.

so as i mentioned before, apparently we now have "single white female 2: the psycho," which stars gawky former bruce willis arm candy, brooke burns (not to be confused to whorish swim suit model brooke burke). i am so going to have to check this out. it has to be brilliantly bad. or it might just be bad. i'll let you know.

lunchtime conversation

2005-11-09T23:40:00.000-08:00

though i normally eat my lunch at my desk, today i decided to join a group of co-workers at the lunch table that anchors the middle of our loft-like bull pen work space. most of the people sitting at the table don't really know one another all that well so conversation was very very generic. "so what's your favorite condiment?" one woman asked the group, trying to spark a discussion. we all sat and thought. the man beside me said his was aioli but then changed his answer to chutney, which i would have to say, is a very good answer. chutneys can have so many textures and flavors, from sweet to spicy. "wasabi?" offered our intern. i questioned this, as no matter what one puts wasabi on, it tastes like wasabi. "it doesn't have the versitility as, say, mustard," i countered. mustard can have seeds, it can be smooth, it can be classy (dijon) or it can be folksy (frenches yellow). one can just dab a dallop on top of a hamburger or it can be used to emulsify a beautiful salad dressing. so many options. "Is hummus a condiment?" someone asked. i thought about it and decided that under the right circumstance, it could be. "what about pesto?" someone else asked. i told them that i thought it certainly could be a condiment. "peanut butter?" "NO," i declared firmly. "there is no way peanut butter is a condiment." the women who intstigated the conversation suggested soy sauce. "feh," i shrugged, not impressed. not that she's wrong, per say, to state that soy sauce is her favorite condiment, i just think it's a little generic. as for me, mine is tapenade.

at least no one said ranch dressing.

milestones

2005-11-07T13:11:00.000-08:00

so this is very exciting. today is the one year anniversary of my blog. also, this is my 100th posting. and probably this week i'll have my 10,000 hit. funny enough, i have nothing really to blog about, so this posting is going to be more self congratulatory than anything. yay me! i have been able to focus on something for a whole year without losing interest.

i feel like i ought to write something about what in my life has changed in the last year and what has stayed the same, but i don't really feel like it.

won't you be my neighbor: update

2005-11-04T14:05:00.000-08:00

so the new neighbor planted some plants on either side of his stoop, even though we aren't supposed to. we'll see if the landlord has the gardeners rip them out. i still have not met this guy although i was coming home the other night and all the lights were on in his apartment and i could see right through his ill-fitting bamboo blinds as stood in the bedroom and slipped a t-shirt on. he looks like he might be hot. once i got inside, i peeped though my peephole to see if i could see more. i could not.

minty

2005-11-03T12:38:00.000-08:00

walking back from the bathroom just now, i noticed a lone junior mint on the floor near the elevator. for a moment, i considered bending down and popping it in my mouth. is that wrong? am i sick?

for the love of quinoa

2005-11-02T11:28:00.000-08:00

while i was in VA visiting steve (who as i mentioned before, has just turned vegetarian) he showed me this big huge vegetarian cookbook that he uses now. despite the fact that the book does not feature pictures or meat, i found it to be quite good. before i left, i scribbled down some recipes that looked interesting and last night i decided to make one of them before mark and i watched nip/tuck. since it was rather warm during the day i wanted to do one that was less cooky and more choppy - like a salad of some sort. i decided on a quinoa salad with mangos and curry dressing.

so after work i headed to whole foods. i was positive that if any market would have quinoa, they would. and they did - in boxes and bulk. can i just say how much i love that store. i want to eat everything in there. all the food looks so healthy and fresh. they have a beautful array of cheeses. i love the olive bar and the prepared foods section gives me a most satisfying kind of sensory overload. also, since everything they sell there is so good for you, the store's shoppers all seem to be quite health conscious and rather good looking. it's just bliss. however, as much as i love the store and everything in it, is how much i loathe the parking lot. it's too small, the layout is convoluded, and all the parking spaces are sized for mini coopers despite the fact that everyone who shops there seems to drive SUV's. i would shop there more if the parking lot weren't such a pain in the ass.

anyway, i found my quinoa and went home to make the salad. (i added chicken) it was great. it's all about quinoa now.

the virgina monologues

2005-11-01T12:33:00.000-08:00

being a freelancer, i find it sort of difficult to schedule vacations. when i am working on a job, it's impossible to take time off for a trip and then when i am unemployed i have like this little guilt thing about spending all the money on hotels and air fare when i don't know when my next job will pop up. but as i mentioned before, i've been on a little hiatus so i decided to take advantage of it and visit my childhood friend steve, who is a criminal justice professor at a small university in virginia.

he and his boyfriend tod have been to visit me and often when i would talk to them they would ask when i was ever going to visit them. even though i love them, my first thought was always, "why would i want to go to virginia?" but i finally got to the point that the idea of getting away from los angeles and going someplace really low key seemed very appealing. i could just go and stay with steve and tod and do nothing. i liked that. so booked my ticked and then emailed steve and told him to change the sheets in the guest room - he was going to have a houseguest for the next week.

i left last tuesday at 6:30 am. poor mark. we had to get up at 4:45 so he could take me to the airport. i suppose i could have taken a taxi, but i was sure mark would want to see me off personally. my flight was great (it wasn't completely full, so there was an empty seat beside me) and after a connection in chicago, i finally landed in VA. the second plane was really little and got blown around a little as we were coming in for a landing at the cute little VA airport. i actually had to climb down some steps from the plane and then walk to the building, just like the olden days. i sort of wanted to pause at the top of the steps and wave, like a politician.

steve greeted me at the gate. i got my luggage and we headed to his and tod's house. it's really interesting. the town in which they live is quite small and does not have a gay bar. as such, steve and tod and their group of gay friends all take turns entertaining in their homes. they get together to watch shows like "desperate housewives" and "boston legal" as well as to watch various sporting games. gays watching sports. it was so strange to me.

highlights of the trip include but are not limited to:

- while steve was teaching a class, tod who is also a professor at the same school in the same department, took me on a tour of their campus. i LOVED it. it was fantastic being back on a college campus. it was really pretty, all red brick and quadrangles. tod showed me one of their classrooms. it was remarkable. built into the podium was a computer that connects to a central server, as well as a sort of computerized overhead projector sort of thing. so the professor could prepare notes and little presentations in their offices and then access it from the podium and then project it onto this touch screen sort of marker board at the front of the room. as he talks he can just touch the board and go to the next page of notes. it was really amazing. when i was in college they were just making the transition from chalk to marker boards. that after noon i hung out at their new student union - which features a small bowling alley as well as a tv lounge full of big flat screen tvs. the next day we had lunch the dining hall. the salad bar had catalina dressing and the beverage station had one of those big milk dispensing things. it was great.

- the next day, steve was teaching again, so tod and i took a little drive to a nearby resort called mountain lake hotel. it's one of those places that is simultaneously really pretty and vaguely sinister. i love that kind of thing. (along these lines, steve told me that the university's PR department has their offices in what used to be an asylum for the criminally insane!) as if i couldn't love the foreboding "shining-esque" beauty of the hotel any more, then i found out that "dirty dancing" was shot there! to commemorate the experience, i bought a jar of sweet garlic pickles in the gift shop. I had the time of my life, thanks in part to the fact that no one put me in the corner.

-friday, steve, tod and i along with like 16 of their friends went to a japanese hibachi restaurant. (the food was quite good) one of the gays in the group was a very pretentious young man who wore a sort of pirate-like shirt with a lace up neck. he would say things in french and remark that certain wines reminded him of certain other wines. it was almost like a parody of someone who is pretentious. he was infuriating and i wanted to destroy him. it's like A) you're only 21 and you're trying to sound authoritative about wine. B) you're speaking french in a japanese restaurant, trying to sound impressive. C) you're dressed in a lace up shirt. the other thing that bugged me was that he didn’t seem appropriately impressed with me. i mean, if i were someone like him and i was meeting someone like me, i would have been really excited. rather, he just didn’t acknowledge my existence. clearly he was threatened. as well he should have been. after dinner most everyone went back to one of guys' homes to watch "rocky horror" in honor of halloween.

at this point i'd like to make an observation. during my entire trip i spoke to perhaps 3 women. it was really strange. there were NO WOMEN around. i mean, they were around, but steve and tod and their friends don't seem to have much interest in being friends with them. i find this very odd. i am ALL ABOUT the fag hag. i love them. most of my friends are women. but the gays in VA don't seem to be on the same page. after the japanese place and before "rocky horror" we were all sitting around and the tv happened to be on logo, and "showgirls' was on. one of the men said something to the effect of, "EWW! get those tits off the screen! no one wants to see THOSE." he wondered why they would show "showgirls" on a gay channel. someone else responded "well, i guess some lesbians watch logo." and i was just sitting there thinking "WOW. don't these people understand the magic that IS 'showgirls'?" i wouldn't appear so. i wanted to shake and slap everyone there and tell them "open your minds, your hearts, your LIVES to WOMEN!"

-saturday steve, tod and i went to their little local mall and then to super wal-mart to get some necessary items for that night's dinner. tod made lasagna with pretend meat (steve just recently became vegetarian. "don't tell my mother," he warned) and the friend who's house we were at the night before, come over. after dinner we watched a buddy hacket hbo comedy special from 1983 and then the elaine stritch one woman show.

-sunday morning tod made waffles and then that afternoon some people came over to watch the giants vs. redskins game. that evening, steve drove me back to the airport where i leafed through rachael ray's new magazine. it's pretty good. two more flights that were not full and finally i was back in la.

as i got off the plane i wanted to call my girls for a much needed dose of estrogen. it was a great trip and my hosts were fantastic, but it was kind of nice to be back in la.

won't you be my neighbor?

2005-10-23T23:31:00.000-07:00

tonight when mark picked me up so we could go to the laundromat i noticed that one of the three vacant apartments in my little complex suddenly has someone living in it. i guess during my frenzy to get the food ready for japandemonium i didn't seem to notice my new neighbors moving in. but there they were tonight. all the lights were on and i could see the silhouettes of several people puttering back and forth between the living room, kitchen and bedroom. i couldn't tell if it was just one person moving in with the help of several friends or if it was a couple moving in or what. as we made out way to mark's car i noticed someone having something to do with that apartment was hanging out on the stoop, smoking. we exchanged "hey's" but no introductions were made. i don't know if this person is a friend of the guy or guys who live there or what the deal is. but what i do know is this:

a) the new neighbors bought bamboo blinds for all the windows that do little for privacy. when the lights are on, people outside can see right on in. i like that. i should also point out that they bought the wrong size of blinds, as there are 6 inch gaps on each side of the windows that aren't covered at all. and yet they hung them anyway. i do NOT like that. i would hope that they just hung them to get a little privacy before they go exchange them tomorrow for the correct size.

b) one of the gaps caused by the incorrectly sized bamboo blinds is blocked by what looks to be a surfboard. i sort of like the idea of surfers, although it seems to me, anyone who was REALLY into surfing would want to live closer to the ocean. i can only assume this person is a poser.

c) through the living room window i could see that they have already hung up a large piece of "art" on the living room wall, although said "art" seems to consist of an oversized canvas covered in graffiti. the combination of the graffiti art and surfboard leads me to believe that this new neighbor is some sort of gay surf punk. which as we all know leads to loud parties and rampant drug use - not that i'm judging.

d) the fact that in the small amount of time that i was not paying attention, these neighbors not only moved in, but hung window treatments and art can only mean one thing - tweakers. they clearly use some sort of speed, otherwise how could they possible be so focused to get some much done in such a short amount of time? two words - mrs. carrington.

e) although i only saw their silhouettes, this new neighbor seems younger than me. until this surfing tweaker twink moved in, i was the youngest person in my complex. i'm not sure i like some young wild chicken coming in to cause trouble. clearly it won't be long until one of this guy's tricks ends up robbing one of us or a fight ensues that results in physical battery and the calling of the authorities. (although i should note that this has already happened with one of the neighbors who already lives there, but still, once was enough)

i could be wrong and prehaps this person or persons is actually perfectly lovely. more to come...

japandemonium

2005-10-23T14:09:00.001-07:00

i am very sorry i haven't posted in a while. i am on hiatus for a couple weeks and i have not been at my computer all that much. this past week i have been busy, planning, shopping, and making food for a little japanese themed cocktail gathering that mark and i were hosting as a sort of experiment.

it all began several months ago when my friend kate and her fiance kris invited mark and me over for game night, along with some other friends of ours, colleen and her boyfriend noam. i made my famous carmelized onion dip and kate made vietnamese spring rolls and a lovely antipasto platter. the six of us sat around and played the dvd movie game "scene it' (mark and i ruled) and it was just such a lovely time that we all vowed to do it again soon and next time mark and i would host it.

now i've always longed to be that person who regularly has half a dozen people over for casually elegant dinner parties, tapas, cocktails, what have you. nigella, the barefoot contessa and michael chiarello make it look so simple. i've gotten to be quite an adequate little cook, so i'm told and i've spent several years accumilating nice dishes, serving pieces and drinkware, enough for a dinner party for 12, despite the fact the my kitchen table is only slightly larger than a pizza pan.

but mark and i decided to go ahead and give it a shot. first we decided the host it at his apartment, rather than mine, since his is a little big bigger and it made sense that while i made the food at my place he could clean his place and we wouldn't get in one another's way. it all worked out perfectly. another thing that made it work out really well was my hiatus, so i could spend the week going to the various grocery stores and markets to get the neccessary items. i even went out to ikea and bought mark a new kitchen table.

i don't really remember where the idea came from that the gathering should be japanese themed, but it did result in a lot of time spent on the internet researching japanese food and finding markets where i could purchase some of the harder to find ingredients. i was not about to learn how to make sushi and even after a trip to the cook's library to get a copy of a cookbook called "asian tapas" i was a little disappointed in the selection of recipes that seemed doable. everything required A LOT of very minute detail, all of which needed to be done at the last second, soas to keep the fish fresh and to prevent crackers and whatnot from getting soggy, OR something like tempura which had to be cooked and consumed right away, but then leaves the apartment smelling like a fry kitchen. i wanted the clean japanese flavors but in something relatively easy to make several hours ahead of time.

i settled on an interesting edemame, tofu and wasabi dip that was featured in a recent issue of "martha stewart living," a beautiful ahi tuna tartare with avocado that i saw the barefoot contessa make, a really interesting jamie oliver recipe that is sort of a scallop ceviche with mango, red chili and lime juice but with more asiany flavors such as ginger, scallion, sesame seeds, and a fantastic soba noodle dish with fried tofu called otsu, that i found on 101 cookbooks. i rounded everything out with various rice and sesame crackers, wonton crips and bowls of wasabi cashews.

and then there were the rice balls. everything else was quite easy to make. all they required, really, was lots of chopping, mincing and mixing. but the rice balls were a bit more of an endeavor. first i had to make the filling, which according to the recipe i was using, could be pretty much anything, from crab to shrimp to shittake muschrooms. i decided on a white miso marinated alaskan salmon. i cooked it off the night before and it tasted great. the next afternoon i made sticky sushi rice and proceeded to assemble the balls. it was actually a little easier than i anticipated and i ended up with 12 good sized balls - two per person. i coated half of them in minced chives and the other half in a mixture of regular and black sesame seeds.

late yesterday afternoon, mark came up and helped me take everything down to his place. apparently just before i came over, he discovered a wasp in his kitchen and used 2/3 of a can of insecticide to kill it. his kitchen reeked of bug spay and the cinnamon candle he hoped would cover the smell but didn't. i went about setting up the food while he tried to air the place out.

(in the kitchen, left to right we have the tuna tartare with wonton crisps, soba noodles topped with fried tofu and the rice balls)

(in the living room, left to right we have the scallops with more wonton crisps, edemame dip with rice and sesame crackers, wasabi cashews, and more rice balls)

by the time our guests arrived everything looked great and smelled fine. kate and kris brought her vietnamese rice paper rolls and a can of these crazy shrimp flavor crackers (the japanese seem to love shrimp flavored anything) and colleen and noam brought sake and a beautiful gift of little artisanal chocolates. in keeping with the theme, kate wore an asiany sort of top, and kris had on yellow t-shirts with a samari on it. noam wore a t-shirt with japanese writing on it (although i don't know what it said) and colleen explained that she was dressed in a variation on a japanese schoolgirl uniform. as you can imagine, i was dressed like a geisha, and mark was dressed like a giant koi. no.

everyone marveled at the food and in particular, the scallops, which i thought was interesting because i thought the tuna was better. people politely had a rice ball but i should point on that at the end of the evening, of the 12 i made, 5 were still left over. as good as the salmon was, i thought the balls were a little feh. totally not worth the effort. the recipe also called for a dipping sauce, which i didn't feel like making, but in retrospect, probably would have helped. you win some, you lose some. also curiously, no one ended up having sake, instead preferring the japanese beer mark got. near the end of the evening i bought out a selection of ice cream mochi balls and pocky.

although we never got around to playing "scene it" again, the evening turned out to be a success. our little entertaining experiment worked quite well. i actually look forward to doing it again, but next time with food that's a little bit easier to make.

marzipan babies

2005-10-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

get ready for one of the grossest things you'll ever see. i was forwarded an email with the following message: "Thought you'd be as fascinated with these as I was. These are made with marzipan.... really unbelievable! While some of the faces may look "crafted" rather than "real", every detail is amazing, and the rest looks VERY real. Be blessed and enjoy the talent given one person by God."

these are babies made out of marzipan! YOU CAN EAT THEM.

marzipan babies will haunt my dreams.

cream puff fuss

2005-10-12T13:34:00.000-07:00

yesterday on one of my favorite la blogs called franklin avenue i read about a new japanese sweets cafe called "beard papa" that recently opened at hollywood & highland.

"Remember the first time you tried a Magnolia's cupcake, or a Krispy Kreme. You'll have a similar religious experience with Beard Papa's. For starters, you've never really had a cream puff. The freshly baked choux pastry shells are light and fluffy. And because the vanilla bean-infused whipped cream custard is so fresh, Beard Papa's warns that the preservative-free puffs will spoil within 24 hours."

so wrote franklin avenue. naturally my interest was piqued. for most of the day yesterday i badgered co-workers in person or over IM trying to get someone to take a jaunt with me over to H&H to try them out (our office is but a block or two away). everyone was far too busy with work.

today i decided to just go on my own. at lunchtime i headed over and over buying myself a new shirt and a new pair of jeans at the gap i decided to see what the cream puff fuss was all about. located halfway up the grand stairs that connect the street with the big courtyard, (aka shopping mall purgatory) visitors to the cafe are greeted by a plywood cutout of beard papa's mascot logo: an elderly man with a white beard and pipe, wearing a smock, apron, kerchief, and knit cap. and boots. the thing about this logo is that someone he doesn't read so much as a baker as he does a ship's captain. maybe it's just me. anyway i went inside and since they just opened the are only offering one flavor - vanilla. (they will soon offer more puffs with other fillings such as green tea, chocolate, caramel, coffee, something called "royal milk tea" and organic sesame. they will also serve cheese cake sticks and something called an "ice shower" which will be offered in three flavors: mango, supermango and mango pearl. a mango pearl ice shower. i'm petty sure you can get one of those in the alley behind circus of books)

i ordered one and after the manager showed his worker how to use the cash register, i went back outside to their eating area to devour my little treat. the pastry shell was crisp and light and dusted with confectioners' sugar and while eating it, the vanilla custard oozed out all over. i wished i'd had a spoon. it was very good. light and decadent. and yet i was not as impressed as i thought i would be. it just didn't have the same impact that a warm glazed krispy kreme did, the first time i had one. i don't think it did. they are perfectly delightful, but i don't think the are as addictive as krispy kremes.

then there's the whole ridiculous concept that what los angeles needs is a store that sells only cream puffs. i mean, who puts up money for stuff like this? i see it lasting 9 months. even if it were at the grove, i can't see it lasting. my friend mary told me that in new york there used to be a place that sold 31 flavors of rice pudding. it closed for obvious reasons. it's such a weird and specific concept, plus the fact that you have to consume them immediately or they’ll either spoil or get soggy. and yet there are over 250 other stores worldwide. supposedly when beard papa opened in new york, lines "snaked around the block." here, there was no line. i guess this kind of thing is more popular in more densely populated city’s with more pedestrian traffic.

i'm not completely impressed. although i would probably eat half a dozen of them if i were in the right mood.

black professors, health insurance and oklahoma

2005-10-11T17:55:00.000-07:00

so i got a phone call one day from a friend of mine who reads this blog asking me why a certain entry has two comments posted but both had been deleted. i explained that i am getting comment spam. and today i've gotten another:

Blog with the Best
Ever wonder what African American scholars are thinking? Sure, when a fresh controversy makes headlines or a new study shocks us with worrying statistics, a black professor will appear on TV or be quoted in ...
Hello, good blog! I will visit again.

I have a health insurance oklahoma site/blog. It has health insurance oklahoma information if you are interested.

Thanks and have a good day !

what the fuck is this shit? are other people getting this too? also what do black professors, health insurance and oklahoma have to do with each other? i don't understand. what is this madness?

now i've seen everything

2005-10-11T10:48:00.000-07:00

saturday night i was walking down the street with mark. i glance over and see a figure laying on his stomache in the bushes cocooned in a sleeping back or a nest of blanket. "homeless" i thought to myself. but then i noticed that the figure's face was illuminated by the glow of a LAPTOP COMPUTER! homeless people have computers now? unfortunately, i did not see what this homeless man was doing on the computer. playing solitaire? keeping track of his can full of pennies in quicken? writing his hobo memiors? creating a powerpoint presentation? so many possibilities.

laugh track

2005-10-10T09:41:00.000-07:00

friday afternoon my friend kate IMed me and asked if i wanted to tag along with her to a taping of the sitcom her boyfriend works on. i was initally hesitant. i've been to sitcom tapings before and they are a little exhausting. they last forever and despite the fact that the action is taking place live in front of you, you still end up watching it on monitors because there are so many cameras and people blocking the actors or because the sets are around the side of the bleachers. and yet it seemed like it might be fun.

kate picked me up from work and we snaked through the traffic to universal. walking from the parking structure we spotted kate's boyfriend zipping by on a golf cart. he stopped and we piled on and he sped us around the backlot to the soundstage. it was a little scary. it seemed like we might roll like an suv with every corner we took. we arrived at the stage and were escorted to our seats, which were taped off two rows back, right in the center. very nice.

so the show kate's boyfriend works on is a midseason replacement called "thick and thin," and it stars jessica capshaw (daughter of kate capshaw), martin mull, sharon gless, and saturday night live's chris parnell. it was created by one of SNL's few lady writers and is produced by lorne michaels. the concept is jessica capshaw is a recent divorcee who's lost 60 pounds and now has to learn how to live her life now that she's suddenly attractive, while her big fat family serves as a constant reminder as to who she used to be.

the show is not great. it's sort of wierd. part of it (the stuff with parnell) feel like a flat SNL skit. there are kind of subversive jokes sprinkled through out, and then the stuff with the family goes back and forth from being sort of broad and crass and warm and fuzzy. the ballance just isn't quite there. neither is the funny. when i went to a taping of will and grace, for each take the writers came down and gave the actors new lines and jokes to try so see what was funniest. but this show did not and it seemed like they should have. but one of the main problems was jessica capshaw. as i watched i kept wondering who would give HER a show in which to star. she reminded me of kate hudson if she were doing an impression of jennifer ansiton - but minus the charisma.

the taping was really fun though. the audience was filled with really freaky nut jobs - overenthusiastic tourists who howled with laughter at everything, and seriously deranged lunatics who i'm pretty sure were homeless. in between takes the warm up comedian kept having little contests for the audience members. for example he'd play snippets of tv theme songs and the first person to recognize it would win prizes like t-shirts or gasoline cards. or he'd bring some one up to sing a little song. one dirty looking middle aged woman behind me kept bouncing in her seat saying over and over in a small voice "i can sing. i want to sing." one woman peeled and ate a banana with her feet.

then he brought up the Queen of the Crazys. she had this glazed look in her eyes and a mop of dry looking blond hair piled on top of her head. she had big tits and big hot dog lips. the warm up comedian asked her where she was from and she said she grew up in india. he asked her about her slight accent and she explained that since moving to los angeles she's had over 350 roommates and has picked up all of their accents. he asked her what she does for a living and she told him she's in school learning to be a helicoptor pilot. then she said she'd like to do an impression of marilyn monroe. upon hearing this, i naturally assumed she would probably sing "i want to be loved by you" from "some like it hot." instead she delivered a breathy monologue from "niagra" or something. all during this, the warmup comedian kept making isn't she crazy jokes. this woman would just stand there, her head sort of bobbling around, her glassy eyes not really focusing on anything. it was unsettling. i was convinced she was going to pull a carrie and kill us all in a firey bloodbath.

what made it all even more surreal was that also in the audience was sharon gless's former costar, tyne daly. i can only imagine what she thought of all of this. then down on the floor watching the taping was jessica's mother, kate (hoisting arround a large shapeless gucci handbag), and her stepfather steven spielberg. as if it couldn't get weirder, the warmup comedian did a bit where he called a friend or family member of someone in the audience on speakerphone. he ended up calling barry white's son, who shared his father's bassomatic vocal quality. near the end of the taping the warmup comedian did a raffle to give away a dvd player to one lucky audience member. the lucky audience member who won turned out to be tyne daly. graciously she did not take it and it was raffled to a non emmy winner.

at one point kate and steven came over to talk to a good looking young man sitting in the front row beside tyne. apparently the guy was jessica's fiance. what i thought was interesting was there was no acknowledgement between steven and tyne. it was almost as though they were avoiding talking to one another. i can only assume that they hate each other. perhaps she was fired from one of his films. or she auditioned and didn't get cast. something is going on between those too and i'm going to get to the bottom of it. i'm usually right about this kind of thing.

after the taping we got to go down to the set (which looked a lot like my parent's living room) and have pizza and adult beverages with the cast and crew. well, mostly the crew and the writers. the actors left. because kate's boyfriend was still working, she and i sort of just hung out and made small talk with some of the other people that she knew. she introduced me to one guy and then asked if he's been busy. he told her that he's been in the office making photocopies. "so you're an intern?" i joked. he face turned to stone and kate shook her head in embarassment. "he's one of the writers' assistants" she explained. the assistant pretended to be mad and stormed away as kate appologized to him on my behalf. but you know what? i wasn't sorry.

you see, i come from a world of verite and documentary. some call it "reality." and scripted people are always taking digs at reality and finally i was given the chance to get a dig in. and man, it felt sweet. it really did.

entertain me

2005-10-07T13:47:00.000-07:00

things at work have slowed down quite a bit and now i find myself crippled by boredom. i must visit defamer like 40 times a day and it seems like it's hardly ever updated. the same goes for apartment therapys east and west, and i don't know what the hell is going on with the fug girls.

i mean, thank god for katie holmes' whole demon spawn thing. i made the mistake of stepping away from my desk wednesday (my whole show went out for shabu shabu) and upon my return i had two terribly urgent and breathless voicemails and several other IM peas of "where are you? you need a fucking cell phone!" all desperate to tell me about it.

now i don't mean to imply that any of the people who run these site aren't doing their very best. indeed, these are some of my favorite time killers and i don't know what i would do without them. what i am saying is that i need a constant stream of breaking celebrity gossip, highlights of clever new and beautifully designed products that i clearly need to buy and, scathing bitchery of c-listers in dumb outfits. A CONSTANT STREAM.

a key to pee

2005-10-05T11:10:00.000-07:00

why must i constantly be inconvenienced? in addition to my car drama (i had it towed to the body shop saturday morning and it took until yesterday at 5 pm just to get the estimate - which came in at $3465.31. then it's going to take at least a week to fix.) now i have to use a key to get into the men's room here at my office. a key! god, why a key? i have to take a key, every time i pee.

it wasn't always this way. up until yesterday the door to the men's room had a piece of tape over the tube latch so the door was never locked. but now the tape has been removed and the bathroom is sealed up tight. why do office buildings do this? what's the point? there's nothing to steal and we're on the 3rd floor so it's not like homeless people are wandering in and setting up home.

why can't anything in my life be easy? it's been my long held belief that anything that you are truly meant to have, will fall into your lap with little or no effort. if you have to try and struggle and work and whatnot, then it's not meant to be.

exasperated sigh.

capote, audio-animatronic spiders and gazpacho

2005-10-03T10:27:00.000-07:00

i had a busy weekend. see for yourself.

friday: edwina and her charming boyfriend were kind enough to pick me up from work since my car is in the shop. we headed west were we met mark at gr/eats, in interesting sort of japanese/every other ethnicity style restaurant. (pennette pesto, salmon teriyaki, AND chicken with mole sauce? huh) the food was pretty good and they had these cool spinach colored fiberglass eames chairs at all the tables. after dinner we went over to the nu-wilshire theatre to go see "capote." i just loved it. i think everyone else liked it but i loved it. it was too long and the pace was sort of languid but i liked it. i'm not sure what i would cut out. the performances were great and the storytelling subtle. unexpectedly, i found myself relating to capote, what with our manipulation of our subject matters in order to get a good story. after that edwina and her boyfriend went home and mark and i went over to the nuart to catch the midnight screening of "harold and maude." perhaps it was because i was tired, but i didn't enjoy the film as much as a have in the past. i found the whole hippy dippy "let's all be free and feel" message to be tedious. i only paid half attention. in my head i was recasting the film for a remake. harold would be played by jason schwartzman, his stuffy mother would be played by glenn close, and i sort of got stuck on who would play maude. shirley macclaine? i don't know. we ended up leaving before the film was over because i was so tired.

saturday: mark and i went to gay day at disneyland. it was fun. the people organizing the event ask all the gays to wear red, so we would stand out and could recognize one another (as if we couldn't tell). still it was kind of cool seeing swarms of people all in red weaving through the park. (i did not wear red. i don't own any red. i wore a khaki colored shirt and jeans.) we went with a group full of gays, two of whom work for disney, so we didn't have to pay and we got a certain percentage off all food and any merchandise we'd want to by. it was great. we also got to go to disney’s california adventure as well. that park was a little depressing. while disneyland was jammed full of people, DCA as the disney employees referred to it as, was a little desolate. their main roller coaster was not in operation (not that i would have gone on it - i get motion sickness) but we did get to go on three great rides - hollywood tower of terror, soarin' over california, and some sort of water rafting thing at the end of which i was seriously soaked from head to toe. we also saw the “bug's life” stage show, which was kind of great but a little too intense for small children, as evident from the panicked and uncontrollable screaming that erupted from the kids behind us when giant audio-animatronic spiders unexpectedly dropped from the ceiling. even mark jumped. he hates spiders.

back at disneyland, everyone else went on the new and improved space mountain while i waited outside. i sort of love tomorrow land. as the future comes and goes, they keep refreshing the same old buildings with new paint, light fixtures, and signage. so what started out as something that looked as though it could have been a pavilion from the 1964 worlds fair, got updated in 1982 and looks like “tron” and then again in 1994 and looks a little like "pee wee's playhouse" meets the diner the kids from "saved by the bell" hung out at with a twist of "over our heads" from the last two seasons of the "facts of life."

as the evening wore on we all got tired of the lines and grew a little grumpy. one of the longest lines we endured was for ice cream. after we finally ate our frozen treats, half our group decided to call it a day. we however, stayed for a crazy fireworks, water and live stage show called "fantasmic," which it was. portions of the show actually features scenes from “fantasia,” “snow white,” and “sleeping beauty” projected onto a screen of mist. i can’t imagine having the kind of mind that would think, “hey, what if we sprayed mist into a large flat sheet and then projected movies onto it?”

sunday: tamales at the farmers market. then mark drove me to budget so i could rent a car until mine is fixed. i still haven't gotten an estimate. after that i spent the afternoon making gazpacho. so much chopping, pureeing, etc. that evening we went to go to "a history of violence." it's a really strange movie, veering towards bad. although i enjoyed the explicit sex (maria bello and viggo 69 as well as have rough, angry sex on the stairs of their farm house) and violence (a lot of damage is done to noses). the story was all set up and unsatisfying payoff. after the movie we went back home for my gazpacho which i served topped with a mixture of diced heirloom tomatoes, bell peppers, red onion, cucumber, avocado and grilled shrimp. on the side we had a mache salad, this time only dressed with a great dressing i made from pureed heirloom tomatoes, white wine vinegar, olive oil and tarragon. so it turns out, i'm not sure i like gazpacho, which sucks because i now have gallons of it in my refrigerator. it’s so cold. it was sort of like eating spoonfuls of salsa or eating a bloody mary without the vodka. i'm going to try it again tonight, but at this point, i'm not impressed.

smells like burning

2005-09-29T22:33:00.000-07:00

driving home from work i had a car accident. god. stupid. i'm so pissed at myself. but don't worry. i'm fine.

as i made my way down sunset blvd. the hot air smelled like burning and the hills were shrouded in black sooty haze. it was so freaky. despite the fires of previous years, i've never seen the air so thick. i even took a different route home because i was so entranced. (that was my first mistake) traffic was crawling and i was blasting fischerspooner. as i inched past chateau marmont, past the standard, and the house of blues coming closer to the mondrian i looked out the driver's side passenger window at the lights of the city below. i recall thinking it was interesting how clear and clean the air to the south looked and how brightly the lights twinkled while the houses in the hills were barely even visible. out of the corner of my eye i saw the car ahead of me move, prompting me to step on the gas. a little to hard, in retrospect. it seems he was just inching forward and, not having enough room to come to a stop once i realized this, i slammed into his rear end.

i was quite shaken. my hands were trembling as i paused my ipod and got out of the car to inspect the damage. naturally the car ahead of me had little damage while my grill was smashed in, the hood was crumpled at the end and some sort of liquid poured out the bottom of the car and streamed down the street. we exchanged the information that people exchange in situations such as these and, since the accident occured but a few blocks from my apartment, i drove my car back home. mark came over and to calm my nerves we watched the oc, i made a rerun of the salad i made the night before, we went down and had gelato at this great place on robertson and upon returning home i had a glass of wine.

AAA was perfectly nice. but now i have to deal with all of this. and as we know, i am not a fan of dealing with things. i blame the fire. fire bad.

watercress looks with a greta garbo personality

2005-09-29T09:41:00.000-07:00

after i got home from the gym last night i made myself a beautiful salad in preparation to watch the marthapprentice episode that i recorded while i was working out. the salad was spectacular, in case you were wondering. i began with a couple handfuls of this great new lettuce blend i found at trader joes: "mache heirloom salad" (everything is heirloom anymore). fresh direct describes the blend as "tender, distinctive mâche is a lettuce like no other. it has small leaves and a soft, hazelnutty flavor. people differ on how to pronounce it. we say 'mosh.' mâche has watercress looks but a greta garbo personality. it's delicate and sensitive and likes to be alone, barely dressed. " in retrospect, perhaps i overdressed it, but it was still fantastic in my opinion. in addition to the sensitive little leaves, i added some thinly sliced red onion, a little orange and yellow bell pepper, red and white belgium endive, small chunks of creamy chevre and slices of tender roast pork loin that i had rubbed with an aromatic spice blend from dean and deluca that my friend heather brought me from new york. i tossed all of this in a spicy/sweet dressing i made using the peach chipotle jam i got in big sur.

so as i said, this was a beautiful salad. i sat down to feast on my creation while watching my program. half way in, the tape turned to snow. the cable had gone out apparently. can you stand it? fortunately i'm less than compelled by the marthapprentice. this morning i checked and it looks like chuck didn't fit in. so now the two gays are gone and manic, raving lunatic jim and bethany, with her droopy, sad, dead eyes are still around to wreak producer orchestrated havoc. such bad casting. don't get me started on reality show casting...

i guess i'll just wait around for project runway. now there's a show. hopefully season two will be as good as season one. but i'm not going to hold my breath.

happy and healthy

2005-09-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

for the second time in three days someone has remarked that i seem happy. what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

friday after work, a group of us were hanging out on the roof of our office building enjoying the hazy view of hollywood and the hills and someone i work with remarked that i seemed "smiley." i questioned him as to what that meant and he said that i just seemed happy. then yesterday i was at trader joe's and ran into a friend i hadn't seen in a while and we chatted and caught up. then he says that i seem "happy and healthy."

now, i'm pleased that people think i seem happy, but i also feel that to comment on it implies that this is a new development. for example what would propell someone to say "oh, you got a hair cut" is that they noticed that your hair used to be longer and now it's not. so to say "you seem happy" suggests that these people noticed that while i USED to appear sullen, depressed and perhaps angry, NOW i come off as "happy." i even asked my coworker if i used to seem UNhappy and he said no.

it's actually not a surprise to me that i used to give off a negative aura. my mom says that i always look "pissed" and jessica delights in a picture of me that she has in which, according to her, i look like an asshole. and when i was single and went to bars, guys would always come up to me and ask me why i wasn't smiling. i'm not sure why people are so concerned about whether or not i'm happy. also, i'm not sure what changed so that i now come off as happy. i've lost weight, which i am happy about, so maybe it shows.

i don't know.

the marthapprentice

2005-09-22T13:25:00.000-07:00

god. if i have to see one more story about martha stewart's dismissal catchphrase...

prior to the premiere of her version of the apprentice i saw way too many stories, breathless with anticipation, over how she's going to fire people. will she say "you're fired" like donald? what's she going to say? how is she going to do it? then last night, keeping with her newfound softness and humility (which everyone seems to be in agreement that she desperately needed), martha unloaded the first apprentice with a nice little "you just don't fit in," which she followed up with a thoughtful hand written letter. and now people are bitching that "you just don't fit in" doens't have the same oomph as donald's very clever and unique "you're fired."

who the fuck cares? yes. let's ALL debate which stupid fucking catchphrase is better.

nip/tuck: the morning after

2005-09-21T10:00:00.000-07:00

it rained yesterday and i love it. finally fall has arrived. sadly, the heat is not over. i expect it will still get unbearable hot again within a week or so. also exciting was the long awaited premiere of nip/tuck. finally. unlike the OC, which had a great first season and then blew it during the second, nip/tuck only got better in season two. and as such my expectations were high for the beginning of season three. apparently expectations are high for the network as well, considering all the billboards for the show that they've put up all over los angeles.

as is our way, mark and i had a little premiere party for ourselves. typically we avoid large gatherings for things like this and the oscars and whatnot due to the fact that people are always talking and often making bitchy comments which totally deflates the mood. so inconsiderate. anyway, after work i came home and made us a fantastic little dinner: a little starter salad of arugula, toasted pine nuts, tossed in a honey balsamic vinaigrette and topped with figs that i got at the farmer's market which i stuffed with gorgonzola and then wrapped in prociutto all . then for the main course i made chicken thighs roasted on a bed of red onion, fennel, sun dried tomatoes and kalmata olives, which i then served on a bed of couscous. it was great. fennel is going to be my new ingredient that i plan to explore some more. (this summer is was all sorts of olives)

after we finished dinner (during which we watched the nip/tuck season 2 finale on DVD) we finally got to the premiere. it did not disappoint. here are a few of my thoughts/observations on the show:

-i want to have clear plastic phillipe starck ghost chairs and a lucite podium at my funeral. (a side note: in the season super-tease, they showed all sorts of beautiful women in enormous black hats going to christian's funeral, which seemed to be held at some great modern house. obviously this was going to be a dream sequence, but then in last night's episode the funeral is just at an ordinary cemetery and no one is wearing hats. i'm troubled by this. if i can't trust a super-tease then i don't know what.)

-ryan murphy seems to have some sort of an eyebrow fetish. case in point: julian mcmahon's severe waxing, john hensley's freaky brow bush, and now new character rhona mitra who barely seems to have any eyebrows at all.)

-ryan murphy seems has a thing for actresses who look like trannies. case in point the brilliant famke janssen, that fierce black counselor lady from last season's finale, and again new character rhona mitra. (i have heard that that character was supposed to be played by demi moore, but i guess she passed on it or was too pregnant with kutch's spawn to do it. it would appear that mr. murphy wound up casting a woman with a resemblance to demi and then styled her just like demi. very vertigo.) his penchant for transexuals who dominate men, i would have to assume, appears to be heavily influenced by the book and/or the film "myra breckinridge." i'd like to point out that myra raped a young student of hers with a strap on. is this a clue as to who the carver is? which leads us to...

-male ass rape by a person, gender unknown, in a creepy china mask? now i've seen everything. oh wait, it seems in the tease we explore necrophilia. although, i have been fooled by teases before...

-if the carver IS a woman with a strap on, why use a condom? to throw us off? is the carver dr. grace santiago? she simply disappeared and no one has ever mentioned where she went. is it matt? but then he would have raped his own father. although, this IS the sort of show that would go there. or is it?

-brown is the color of fall. the doctors now have chocolate brown scrubs and dr. troy has brown sheets. brown everyone!

i'm back

2005-09-13T09:06:00.000-07:00

it's been several weeks since my last post and i feel just awful about it. i was caught up in a swirl of deadline neurosis for the exciting new documentary project i'm working on. i thought the script was good but i questioned whether the powers that be would like it as well. i actually became one of those people who, as they fall asleep, think about work. i would reshuffle scenes in my head and stress myself out that i couldn't find the perfect interview byte to open an act. each morning i'd come in to work and actually WORK until i left. i haven't visited any of my favorite sites and blogs or anything. i even worked all three days of labor day weekend. i was at the office until midnight the day before the script was due. on friday i printed out two hard copies of the script for the executive producer and emailed it to all the other people who should have it, and come monday, an email was awaiting me in my office email in box from the EP. he'd read it and proclaimed it to be "fucking fantastic." it made it all worth while.

and so, here are a few highlights from the past few weeks. get ready. they are very exciting.

1) i went to my first vegan restaurant. i loved it. i had a burrito with "cashew cheddar cheese" and "tempeh bacon." now my issue with vegetarians and the like has always been, if you are making such a grand and noble point to not eat any animals, then don't eat things that taste like animals either. it seems strangly hypocritical to me to be against killing turkeys, but will gladly eat tofurkey. which brings me to my second issue. what exactly is done to tofu and tempeh to make them taste like bacon and sausage? how does THAT work? how many chemicals are involved? see, i eat meat, but i make a great effort to not buy or eat foods that are heavily processed. and things like bacon made of tempeh (which i still don't quite understand what it is) seem questionable to me. the burrito was delicious though.

2) i renewed the natalie wood book that i'm reading for the second time. as in, i have renewed the book twice, not read the book twice. it's so good, but for some reason it's taking me a really long time to get through. it's totally juicy though. it seems poor natalie, during her first marriage to robert wagner (who's agent was the same flamer who represented rock hudson and all those other closet cases), came across him with another man! she went nuts and tried to kill herself with fists full of pills and then filed for divorce. i believe she also threw all his clothes in the driveway although that may have been when her second husband cheated on her. then after years of daily analysis, (during which warren beatty begged her to take the part of bonnie in "bonnie and clyde" - she told him no because she didn't want to be separated from the analyst) she re-married wagner. when friends asked her if she thought this was a good idea she shrugged and told them "at least i know what to expect." don't you love that? also it seems to me that lindsey lohan is the new natalie wood. both were precious child stars with fucked up parents and then upon hitting their teen years, became wild party sluts. i guess we can expect lindsey to marry a b-level bisexual.

3) i went to target and bought new socks and a belt. jessica and i were talking about how 2005 is the year of the dramatic weight loss. every other celebrity it seems is practically melting away and i am right up there with them. i have been trying really hard to eat healthy and exercise and it's totally paying off. i am almost down the the weight i claim to be on my driver's license. you can trust me when i say, i look fantastic. however, this has also left me living in fear that my pants are going to fall down at any minute. i really should simply go buy new pants but that would involve the whole ordeal of shopping for them and then trying them on and then having to take them to get hemmed. it's just too much to deal with. so i went to target and bought a belt, but really, what i got was piece of mind.

so to recap, the most memorable things that have happened to me over the last several weeks: vegan food, a trip to the library, and a new belt. i am living it up.

lunch special

2005-08-24T12:36:00.000-07:00

to get from the parking structure in which i park to the lobby of my office building i have to walk through a cute little courtyard. adjacent to the courtyard is a wierd little restaurant slash jazz club. every morning on an easel is a markerboard with today's lunch special written on it. and every single day some mystery person erases a few random letters. (i have suspicions that it's the parking attendant who hits on all the woman who park in the structure). some days the special will be a 'una alad wich" or maybe a "sal on quesadill." usually they aren't funny. rather they make no sense at all. what's funny is the dedication this mystery person has. every single day for months and months, they deface the daily lunch special. well today, i think they've finally achieved their masterpiece - "bacon turkey urge."

the heat wave continues

2005-08-23T09:59:00.000-07:00

so we still don't have any air conditioning and now next to my desk there is a giant fan about 3 feet in diameter. so now, not only am i hot but the warm air is being blown on me with great force. also i can't hear anything. yesterday people were walking around with those liqui-gel ice packs on their heads. at the end of the day, the powers that be at this company went out and bought tubs of ice cream although the ice cream melted almost instantly. we stood around the kitchen with bowls of ice cream soup. still, it was very nice of them.

i think i'm going to go stick my head in the freezer.

hawt

2005-08-22T12:10:00.000-07:00

the air conditioning in the building in which i work is not working. it's really hot. i'm this close to removing my jeans and watching my tapes in my underpants. somebody fan me.

porno spam, a lot

2005-08-18T14:15:00.000-07:00

i've been getting quite a few porn spam lately, which i don't understand, since i don't frequent porn sites anymore (really - i don't) and even when i did, they certainly were not straight porn. why am i getting these? just today i received emails that had the following subject lines:

Black whore pussy show
Housewife spreads her legs for the mailman
bigtits asian sucking and fucking
Hot petite ebony cutie series
A guy doing a big breasted blonde mom
amazing body old woman fucking and gets f...
Stuffed from behind

as well as...

Don't miss Disney Live: Winnie the Pooh

little deaths

2005-08-16T17:50:00.000-07:00

according to the new york daily news, paris hilton has traded her teacup chihuahua, tinkerbell for a smaller one which she's cleverly named bambi. a "pal" is quoted in the article saying that paris only liked the dog when it was small and once tinkerbell got too big, she simply had to replace it.

i can relate. i just love little things and i always have. when i was a kid i desperatly wanted a doll house. my parents finally relented and bought me one, but they were clearly embarrassed that their only son wanted a doll house. they gently asked me to not mention it to any of our family members and the house was tucked away in the corner of the basement near the furnace where i could play with it, hidden away from the heterocentric eyes of my sports-playing cousins and my deer-hunting uncles. well the needn't have worried. (as my parents would be the first to say, nothing was ever good enough for me and though the thought was there, the doll house wasn't exactly what i had in mind - it was not the least bit victorian, which any proper doll house ought to be.) being a vengeful brat, naturally i had no choice but to destroy it, which i did, smashing it to bits with i belive a fireplace poker. within no time i was up the street playing with barbies in my friend tara's pink bedroom while listening to the soundtrack to "annie."

but back to paris and bambi. something about this reminded me of the book i'm currently reading - a biography of natalie wood. it seems her domineering, russian stage mother loved natalie much more than her other children and made no atempt to hide it. this left her little sister, lana, to mope around their northridge home, dirty, lonely and unloved, carrying around a hamster in a clear plastic purse which she refused to feed, save for a piece of lettuce every now and then. eventaully lana sat the purse on her bed, laid down beside it, and watched the hamster slowly die. there's something beautifully tragic about that image. one wonders if poor, dirty, unloved nicky is home alone, curled up in the fetal on her bed, tinkerbell beside her, sealed up tight and gasping for air in one of the purses she designed. i like to think she is.

diamonds are for oprah

2005-08-15T12:11:00.000-07:00

i had a strange dream last night. for some reason i was hanging out in oprah's expansive walk in closet. i think star jones-reynolds and her gay husband al was also there. anyway. oprah decides to show us some of her lavish jewels. she pulls out a large box slightly larger than a 3-ring binder. She unlatches it and inside, strapped against the royal blue velvet lining is an elaborate, beautifully detailed, diamond encrusted necklace with matching ear-rings, bracelets and whatnot. i thought it was interesting that, despite her well documented riches, she still handled the jewels as if they were something terribly precious to her. she whispered that they were worth $18 million dollars. as you can imagine, star was very envious of the sparklies and for some reason i was quite taken with them too. for a moment, i was convinced that star was going to try and steal them when oprah's back was turned.

so the thing is, i could care less about jewelry, and i don't really care for oprah. i think it may have been the 3 petron mango margarita's i had at el compadre's earlier in the evening.

sticker flair

2005-08-06T18:06:00.000-07:00

i went and got my hair cut this morning at rudy's barbershop on melrose. the woman cutting my hair didn't seem adept at sustaning a conversation, or perhaps she simply didn't want to have one, instead prefering to concentrate on the snip snip. i was left just sort of looking around at all the hipness that surrounded me. if you haven't ever been there, rudy's is made up to sort of resemble an old fashioned barbershop if it had been taken over by the barber's gay 30 year old son. above the mirror and stretching almost all the way to the ceiling are hundreds of clippings and pages ripped out of magazines of drag queens and shirtless models styled to look like gay porn stars circa 1982. then spaced along a marble ledge covered in scissors, combs and the entire line of bumble and bumble hair product are chunky, grey, lidded toolboxes. each tool box is covered in a collage of stickers, like the notebook of a 6th grader. hello kitty stickers. stickers with pithy phrases such as "i am deeply superficial." little gold, red, and blue star stickers like the ones teachers put on test papers. just a whole bunch of stickers.

it got me thinking about the movie "office space" and how jennifer aniston worked at one of those tedious appleby's-like restaurants and was required by the management to wear "flair." it made me wonder if, when a new stylist is hired at rudy's, the manager informs the person that it's strongly suggested that they cover their assigned toolbox in a myriad of ironic and clever stickers. i can only image the pressure the stylist is then under. how many stickers are enough to fullfill the minimum requirement and how many are too many? one wouldn't want to look like they were trying TOO hard. does this new stylist drop by "aaahs" and just load up on whatever is on the revolving rack near the register? scratch and sniff or puffy? or both? is a "vote for pedro" sticker funny or is it played? as if these people don't have enought to worry about with the snip snip.

when life gives you lemon drops

2005-08-05T10:30:00.000-07:00

last night i met up with my friend greg, who is a fantastic photographer (he has a new new coffee table book coming out). we went to big fat dick at fubar (the go-go boy was wearing a half shirt and was dancing with a basketball). i already had a nice buzz going on thanks to the two peachmopolitans i made for myself to accompany my dinner (seared shrimp with a light salad of cucumber, hearts of palm, garbanzo beans, red onion and jalapeno). when i got to the bar i ordered a lemon drop. as we've previously established, i love anything rimmed in sugar, but i've found that at bars, the sugar melts and runs down the stem making everything totally sticky. so currently i am on the fence when it comes to sugar rimming. it has its place and i don't think a crowded bar is one of them.

so anyway. i ordered a lemon drop from one bartender who made it up and served it on the rocks, no sugar, which i found i rather enjoyed (despite the fact that the drink had an orangish color and was not pale lemony). a little while later i went to a different bartender and ordered the same drink. "can't make them," he informs me. "we don't have any sugar." two thoughts run through my mind.

1) somehow the OTHER bartender was able to figure out a way, despite having no sugar.

2) who cares if there's no sugar? the sugar is the garnish. that's like saying he can't make a margarita because there's no salt. that's like saying he can't make a martini because there's no olives or lemon twists.

what the fuck was wrong with this guy? i basically told him to just make the drink sugar or not. which he did. and it was fantastic. all this attitude and he makes the perfect drink. this captivating story does not end here my friends. a short time later, i order another lemon drop from a third bartender. when he hands it back THERE'S A SUGAR RIM.

wristband rant

2005-08-02T11:54:00.000-07:00

can i ask a question? what is the deal with the terrycloth wristbands that certain types of men are wearing in the middle of their forearm, on just one arm? i know you've seen these people. chances are they are wearing a pink shirt with an upflipped collar and perhaps a white belt. what's with the fucking wrist band. is it like the leather armband code and depending on which forearm one wears it on signifies what one is into? and yet, i've seen it on gays and straights alike.

i feel like i saw this look everywhere last summer and was hoping it would wear itself out, like a crying infant. but apparently not. it's still here. and why, i ask. WHAT DOES IT MEAN AND WHERE DID IT COME FROM?!? it's such a half assed lazy way for one to instantly appear hip. i blame ashton and/or usher. it's so fucking arbitrary and i hate it. someone, make. it. stop.

is it wrong that i also secretly think it's just a little bit hot?

hat hair

2005-07-28T17:51:00.000-07:00

so because my hair seemed greasy this morning i wore my swag hat to work today. i rarely ever wear baseball caps and i find myself frequently running my thumb and my index finger across the brim, pinkie outstretched, like i'm usher or i suppose shirley maclaine in "sweet charity." (it's one of those abscent minded ticks like when, in college, i had chin length hair - i would twirl the blonde curls around my fingers for hours, during class or while studying in the library) then every ten minutes or so i have to yank it off my head because it feels like the ants are laying eggs in my hair.

yes i had long hair and it looked fucking great on me. everyone said i looked just like river phoenix.

kudos to a scheming whore

2005-07-28T17:25:00.000-07:00

i'd like to take a moment to wish elizabeth berkley a very happy birthday. she turns 33 today.

though i am not a fan of "saved by the bell" which i consider to be unwatchable, her performance in the brilliant and misunderstood "showgirls" is a study in fearless and committed ACTING rivaled only by perhaps faye dunaway as joan crawford. liz is brilliant as nomi malone. whether she is shaking a ketchup bottle with the same ferocity that norman bates had while stabbing marion crane in the shower or riding kyle maclachlan's purple pony to climax while getting gallons of water poured in her face during their fuckathon in his pool, ms. berkley is at the helm of a runnaway train of nonstop pure entertainment.

i'm not kidding. nor am i one of those smug queens who delight in how bad "showgirls" is. "showgirls" is NOT bad. it's fucking brilliant.

get them off me!

2005-07-27T14:39:00.000-07:00

so my office has ants. can you believe it? this is just fucking great. we're on the third floor of an office building and we have ants. how is this possible? they seem to be living IN my keyboard. i feel like they are crawling all over me. i'm constantly glancing down at my arms to see if they are scurrying through my arm hair.

i thought the days of thinking bugs were crawling on me ended when i gave up certain recreational drugs.

thank you sur, may i have another: the final chapter

2005-07-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

last night in my hot little kitcken as i whisked a couple spoonfulls of the peach chipotle jam that i got at the giftshop adjacent to nepenthe with apple cider vinegar (which i then tossed with mixed greens, grilled chicken, red onion, red bell pepper, chunks of perfectly ripe peaches and creamy goat cheese thus creating the prefect summer salad) i realized that i never finished blogging about my trip to big sur and i can only assume that my readers are on the edge of their seats as to what happened. and so i present the excting conclusion.

on day three, after leisurely breakfast at the lodge, we drove up to point lobos, a fantastic state park that has all sorts of scenic hiking trails. some of them snake up, over, down and around the rocks along the water. one meanders through a grove of dead trees draped in lacey moss, high on a craggy cliff. further along this trail and down a few stone steps, deer graze at the base of pine trees covered in another type of moss, this one the color of a saftey cone. it was so strange. another trail winds around a small cove with a teensey little beach at one end and culminates in an penninsula of sorts, flanked by little rock outcroppings covered in birds. each trail was so varied and unique and had perfectly framed reveals with each corner one rounded that the whole park almost felt like a really well designed botanical garden by the sea. enhancing the natural beauty was the grey sky, light fog and crashing waves. it was like something out of "rebecca." like the passive agressive mrs. danvers did to poor nameless joan fontain, i kept whispering to mark to look at the turbulent water below, that perhaps he'd like to jump. i wished i'd had a cape.

we spent hours there and took dozens of pictures before heading back to the lodge were we decided to indulge in some ice cream at the little ice cream stand just off the gift shop. then we sat out on the porch that surrounds the building and watching a group of young teenage boys clumsily flirt with a pair of girls they'd clearly just met. everything the boys said to the girls was met with an enthusiastic "right on!" mark leaned over to me and asked "kids are saing 'right on' again? i said 'right on' when i was their age." the cutest of the boys further impressed his young fans by lighting up a cigarette and hoping on his skateboard as they all headed up to the pool.

i took a quick nap and by that point it was cocktail time. we returned to nepenthe where i downed two perfect margaritas in quick succession and then on to dinner at a place we discovered on the way back from point lobos - the big sur roadhouse. unlike the fiasco at rocky point the night before, this meal was inspired. contrary to what the name suggests, the food is an elegant take on latin flavors. it was hip and young and fun. we began with a fresh and limey guacamole and then i had sweet corn risotto cake (from what i recall - i was quite drunk) and mark had skirt steak and grilled corn on the cob with chipotle butter. deedee had salmon (again) but this time in taco form. the meal was fantastic and highly recommended.

later in our cabin, i built one more fire and made us all dessert - s'mores! i don't think i'd ever had them before but for some reason they always seemed really overrated to me. they always seemed pedestrian, rather than nostalgic. i've never been a huge fan of hershey's chocolate (i've always preferred dark to milk) but i have to say, these s'mores fucking rocked. again i'd like to point out i was drunk, but they really were good. i'd like to make them again but this time fancy them up with really nice chocolate and some artisan marshmallows. (in fact, i've always wanted to make homemade marshmallows, ever since a guy i was dating back in college, an entomologist at cornel, told me that he'd made them before. it had never occurred to me that one would be able to make marshmallows at home. he also made homemade absinthe which is a story for another time.)

after another night of deep sleep, courtesy of my good friend xanax, we packed up the room, checked out and had breckie at the big sur river inn again. huevos rancheros. on our way out of town we stopped at pfeiffer beach. briefly i became petrified that i'd lost my wallet while scurrying around on the rocks, but then realized that i had left it in the car. then hours and hours of driving, winding along the mountains, over bridges and through fog. it was exhausting. we reached santa maria and dropped deedee and her camry off and proceeded to continue on down to west hollywood. by this point, though tired, we were also wired and decided that we ought to go to fubar for a night known as "big fat dick."

what a great vacation.

thank you sur, may i have another? part 2

2005-07-15T16:11:00.000-07:00

so it turns out that there are a lot of birds in big sur. noisy birds. ones that awaken rather early and make sure you do as well.

after a quick, light breakfast (farm stand cantaloupe we brought from santa maria) we headed up to montery to see the sights. mark has a friend, more of a former work colleague really, who moved up to montery not quite a year ago with his boyfriend and has since been working on renovating an old movie palace up there called the golden state theatre. it is breathtaking. it had been originally been a 1500 seat or so vaudeville house when it was built in 1926 and in the 70's the balcony was walled off and split down the middle to create two more smaller screens. over the last year they have been restoring the interior to its former glory and they have done a truely first class job. even i was impressed, and i'm terribly critical. mark's friend gave us a little private tour, showing us everything from the top of the balcony to the original dressing rooms under the stage. they do a mixture of live performances and revival and festival types of film series. they were currently showing "laurence of arabia." i would love it if mark and i could do something like that. buy an old theatre and fix it up together. how romantic would that be?

after our little tour we headed down to fisherman's wharf. walking from the parking lot to the pier we saw a sad looking middle aged man and a small monkey, both in sailor suits (the suits did not match however - the man was in white, while the monkey was dressed in blue) were unenthuiastically clowning around to the delight of the tourists surrounding him. mark and i winced and i tried to get a picture of mark in the foreground, a look of ill-at-ease on his face, as the man craddled his monkey sailor like a baby in his arms, but a stupid tourist stepped in the way ruining the whole thing. by that point the moment was lost.

we continued onto the pier in search of a place for lunch. the options were rather limited - fish or fish - most of it italian style. we ended up settling on one recommened by mark's friend at the theatre. mother and son had crab louie salads while i had a crab quesadilla and a mai tai. after lunch we stopped in a very old fashioned candy shop called carousel candies and walked out with taffy, fudge and turtles.

we continued on over to cannery row, along the way discussing how poor racquel welch had been fired from the film version of john steinbeck's novel and replaced by deborah winger. i recalled that the resulting film was shown repeatedly on HBO back when my parents first got cable in 1983. cannery row was a disapointment. very touristy. between the pier and cannery row, i have never seen so many candy stores in such close proximity to one another. i mean, how many places do there need to be in which one can buy a caramel apple covered in m&m's?

next, after taking a brief drive through carmel, hoping to see either/or/or both doris day and kim novak, followed by a little rest back at the hotel we went up to a very picturesque restaurant called rocky point the view was beautiful - waves crashing against craggy rocks, literally right outside our window, a lighthouse flashing far off in the distance - while the menu was very old fashioned. now i love old fashioned restaurants but i found this place to be old fashioned, poorly prepared and very expensive. i had overcooked (i guess they've never heard the term al dente) linguini drowning in what they were under the impression was pesto sauce and rounded out with chunks of fish and shrimp. i'm not sure what kind of fish because somehow they managed to make the entire dish taste like low-sodium canned alfredo sauce and it was too dark in the restaurant to see what color it was. it was like eating in a dimly lit tool shed with view. mark got what i thought was a unique take on surf and turf - giant prawns and pork ribs which came with a baked potato only slightly smaller than a football and topped with an ice cream scoop of sour cream. he and his mother couldn't stop trilling over how good their food was and how pretty the view is but by that point i had lost interest in the entire experience. i didn't want to bring down the mood by complaining so i said nothing.

back at our room we built another fire and this time we decided to roast marshmallows. using sticks we found on the ground earlier we charred marshmallow after the marshmallow until they were completely black on the outside and hot, and sticky sweet on the inside. within moments mark was dancing around the room in his boxer shorts, high on sugar, the corners of his mouth rimmed with melted marshmallow. it was like something out of reefer madness. shortly after that he collapsed, exhausted, into a chair beside the fire. that's the danger of sugar. the highs are short and sweet.

that was the excitement for the night until about an hour later. deedee for some reason decided to take the rest of her salmon in a doggie bag (she filled up on her giant potato) to eat later. when, i wasn't sure. i also wondered where she thought we'd put it, since the room had no mini fridge or anything. she decided that since it was cool outside, we'd put it out on the deck. so after she went to bed and mark and i were reading, we heard what sounded like some sort of ravenous wild animal, the size of which we were not certain, attacking and then running off with the rest of deedee's salmon. mark grabbed a flash light and cautiously opened the door and caught only a glimpse of what he thought was either a racoon or a fox. so that was the end of deedee's salmon.

between the sugar and the racoon attack, i needed a xanax to put me to sleep.

part three of the big sur adventure coming soon.

thank you sur, may i have another?

2005-07-15T00:57:00.000-07:00

so my episode aired and the ratings were the best since the premiere. i was very pleased. i don't begin my next project until the 18th so this past week mark and i decided to go up to big sur to celebrate our anniversary (six years) and also so we could take his little old mother, known as deedee, out for her 81st birthday. i just love old people.

deedee lives up in santa maria so we drove up there on sunday and took her to one of our favorites restaurants in central california, giuseppe's. it's located in pismo beach and has the best italian food ever. plus the waiters there are totally hot pieces of ass as well. the owner simply must be gay. near the end of the meal (and after several martinis) mark thought it would be charming to be a little flirty with out cute straight boy waiter, who's name i forget. sadly, what was meant to come off slightly naughty and provacative simply seemed strange and was met with awkward silence.

the next morning we loaded up deedee's camry and i drove the three of us up the serpentine roadway that winds up to the hippie haven of big sur. the drive was more than a little exhausting as it forces one to pay all sorts of attention, otherwise you'd surely plow through a guard rail or at the very least sideswipe the rocky mountain. but i had to drive, to avoid the inevitable carsickness that i was sure would strike.

finally, after a brief stop for a mediocre lunch (what seemed promising, a salad with house-made walnut sage vinaigrette turned out to be a bland, oily oily heap of lettuce dotted with grape tomatoes and green bell peppers) served by a disinterested fat waitress, we reached our home for the next three nights - the big sur lodge. the resort consists of a main lodge building built some time in the 30's and houses a gift shop, a little general store, an ice cream stand and a restaurant with a terrace that overlooks a little wooded river. there is also a camp ground for those who enjoy that sort of thing and a loop of bungelow cabins that surround a swimming pool and a "conference center" but looked more like where baby might learn to cha cha from bad boy patrick swaze.

we quickly dragged our bags into the room which had vaulted ceilings, a skylight, a fireplace and a little private wooden deck before heading to an old hippie hangout called nepenthe. it's an amazing building that apparently was designed by a student of frank lloyd wright's (it looks like a combination of taliesin west, FLW's retreat in arizona, and the house that james mason lived in in "north by northwest" - which itself was inspired by wright's masterpiecem fallingwater). it's sort of an off kilter, sort of crudely built and heavliy weathered A-frame sort of structure surrounded by a terrace with ocean views on one side and a large courtyard with a fire pit and three tiers of large concrete steps tossed with multicolored pillows on which to lounge. it was fantastic and the drinks where great to top it off.

as mark frequently made reference to, the location was featured the 1965 liz and dick epic "the sandpiper." then in 1967 when mark was just a boy, he and his family came there during their trip to big sur and upon their arrival a whacked out hippie girl named "gingy" grabbed mark's brother craig's little hands and began to dance around with him beside the fire, swinging him around like a rag doll. as you can imagine, poor craig was terribly frightened and mark's father (who had rage issues) promptly threatened gingy to unhad his child. just for the record, no one was swung around during our visit. after our cocktail we went to the nearby gift shop and i bought a small jar of peach chipotle jam which the label claims to be great on chicken. i'll let you know.

we then continued our big sur cocktail crawl and went on to the ventana inn a luxury resort that offers high end rest and relation, 1977 style (which is when it was built and looks at though very little has changed since.) walls all covered in cedar planks set at a 45 degree angle. this place felt much more corporate that nepenthe. we each ordered another cocktail and headed out to their terrace. this one reminded me of one of the winerys we went to in santa barbara - like it would be a beautiful place to have a wedding reception, but it had very little personality. also lingering around were several groups of middle aged male-female couples, slowly sipping white wine and gazing out at the view when not looking into one another's eyes. it seems that perhaps mark and i weren't the only one's celebrating an anniversary.

by now it was getting to be dinner time so we headed to the restaurant at the big sur river inn. the food was good (fantastically fresh and light ceviche) and the service was slow and a little overly familiar - lots of chatting up the customers. seated at a nearby table was apparently our waitress's borther-in-law and her young nephew. she spent most of her time over with them and deedee evesdropped on their conversation and got the woman's life story.

after dinner we returned to the cabin and we promptly started a fire in the fireplace. i didn't care how warm it was, we were going to have a fire even if we had to open all the doors and windows and turn on a fan. fortunately it had cooled off so the idea of a fire was not too outrageous. deedee ended up going to bed and mark and i lounged around the fireplace reading, he leafing through the "hichcock style" book i got him for his birthday and i read all about mistreatment that poor christina crawford suffered at the hands of her adoptive mother, joan (the poor victim was FORCED to write thank you notes to the hundreds of people who sent her christmas presents).

more on my big sur adventure to come. stay tuned.

piss off

2005-07-06T13:01:00.000-07:00

i was just watching sara moulton make grapefruit gelato and when she went to commercial, there was an advertisment for the most marvelous new product: "urine gone."

it's a special spray made for people who have pissy cats and dogs or incontinent elders and are tired of having their homes smell like a kennel. in the commercial someone holds up a black light to a litter pan to show all the pee pee that's been splattered all over the place, that otherwise would not have been seen by the naked eye. the announcer explains that urine gone has lots of litte enzymes that have "an appetite for urine." wow. thank you food network and thank YOU urine gone.

penguin love

2005-07-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

everywhere i look lately i see loving happy couples. tom and katie. brad and angelina. paris (girl) and paris (boy). britney and kevin. whitney and bobby. and those adorable penguin couples in the newest smash hit documentary "march of the penguins." (which by the way had a higher per screen average than war of the worlds). sunday night mark and i went to see the heartwarming adventures of penguins in love and then yesterday, taking a break from all the food prep for our 4th of july bar-b-q, annie excitedly showed me "being bobby brown." thank god for tivo, because there was lots of rewinding (did whitney actually just say "hell to the no"? did bobby just boast that he once helped whitney pass a supersized BM?).

later that evening, after several adult beverages (beginning with proseco and then moving on to kumquat mojitos) and after dinner (sweet potato salad, grilled veggie skewers, marinated grilled steak, spicy spice rubbed grilled shrimp, yogurt marinated chicken, and home made ice cream) i realized that actually whitney and bobby have a lot in common with the penguins. after a long time apart (the male penguin spends months waddling across the long cold journey across the cold antactica ice in search of his lady love whereas bobby is returning from prison) there is a touching reunion that quickly leads to sex. both bobby and the male penguin seem to be hell bent on impregnanting SOMEthing. whitney, like the mother penguin, is always hungry with a preference for seafood. both couples appear to be clinically depressed - whitney and bobby numb themselves with drugs and alcohol. as for the penguins - they sleep a lot. and yet both couples look to be smitten and spend quite a bit of time nuzzling one another.

it's so sweet. THAT is love.

the end is here

2005-06-28T14:22:00.000-07:00

it's my last day on my show. i'm sad. it's the best thing i've ever worked on and now it's over. at least they gave us hats with the name of the show on it which i intend to use to numb the pain. normally i'm not in favor of swag (or is it schwag? does anyone know?) but i will cherish this flexfit baseball cap forever. for. ever.

rhubarb mojitos, outdoor urination, and arab go-go boys

2005-06-20T10:58:00.000-07:00

mark's birthday extravaganza finally came to a close this weekend. we had a little gathering at meson g. he's what happened:

8:00 pm - annie arrives at mark's apartment. for reasons that i'm not entirely clear, her outfit made it imposible for her to wear any undergarments. she has a cocktail and we look at the pictures of brad and angelina from "w."

8:15 pm - we head to meson g. as she weaves through the traffic, annie remarks that since she moved to the sleepy backwater village of culver city, she's not driven down melrose in 3 years. her driving makes me nervous, as we were in an accident in eagle rock when i first moved to la 6 years ago.

8:28 pm - we arrive at the restaurant were we are met by franklin and his lovely bride, jan. it seems i told him the wrong time so they were forced to drink alone for 15 minutes. i appologize. we take over one of the little couch areas beside the bar and promptly order drinks and nibblies - rhubarb mojitos, bitter queens and calamari.

8:40 - 10:30 pm - various party guests, co-workers of mine and mark's, and friends trickle in. as do presents. the bar becomes more crowded than the bus we rode through chinatown during our trip to san francisco. i switch from mojitos to lemon drops. heather tells us about the yoga surfing class she took earlier that day. annie and my friend greg reconnect having not seeing one another for several years. i chat with a woman from new zealand and her friend and we decide to start a cooking club. edwina's boyfriend and the friend of the new zealander discover they went to high school together. jessica flirts with a good looking lawyer. mark is the belle of the ball.

10:30 - 11:40 pm - people begin to leave. i close out my bar tab. It turns out i spent a lot. we lug the bag of presents to annie's car. i pause to pee on a construction fence while the others make plans on what's going on next.

12:15 am - greg, annie, mark, jack and a few other people walk to another party nearby where our friend david is visiting from new york. he wears a searsucker suit. mark pees in the shrubs near the buffet table in the back yard.

12:45 am - we leave the party and head over to hotdog at the palour. it is hot, sweaty, smokey and gay. i have two beers before last call. annie dances with a random gay who tells her excitedly that she looks like kylie minogue. (she doesn't) the go-go boy wears a jock strap and an arab keffiyeh.

1:30 am - annie notices the bottoms of her white pants are now black. we leave the bar and she and mark and i go back to mark's apartment to open the presents. i have two more beers and we decide to make a frozen pizza while mark heats lentil soup.

1:45 am - we take the pizza out of the oven and begin to eat. annie realizes the pizza is not yet cooked. we return the uneaten portion to the oven.

1:50 am - the pizza is now cooked thoroghly. we eat. mark opens his gifts while annie writes down what he got and from who, so he can write thank you notes later. (yes, even drunk, she is THAT organized)

2:30 am - annie heads back to culver city. mark and i go to bed for several hours of drunken sleep.

instant message gratification

2005-06-16T12:32:00.000-07:00

well the show i have been slaving away on finally premiered last night. we got a lot of positive reviews and our ratings were great, i'm happy to say. what follows is an except of a rambling conversation i had with jessica in which we bask in our success.

Breckinridge: dija hear?
Jessica: what?
Breckinridge: the network was hoping for a 1. we got a 1.9
Jessica: shut up!
Jessica: that's awesome
Jessica: wow.
Jessica: is (name of executive producer) pleased?
Breckinridge: there is a lot of WOO HOOing
Jessica: wow
Jessica: that's amazing
Jessica: I'm reading the message boards
Jessica: they loved it
Jessica: I so want to post "I WROTE THAT IT WAS MINE! MINE!"
Breckinridge: you should be very proud
Jessica: thank you
Jessica: I actually really am
Jessica: it's novel

Breckinridge: so we went to the cinemateque last night
Breckinridge: to see this old joe dallesandro film. also starring jane birkin. and afterwards we went to dinner at meson g with some people, one of whom was like the jewish karen walker
Breckinridge: you would have loved her
Jessica: she sounds fab, I was going to say
Breckinridge: in the film lil joe keeps fucking jane birkin up the ass and afterwards at dinner jewish karen walker was all "i'll never be able to look at any of my birkin bags the same way again"
Breckinridge: she drives a bentley and left it and her chihuahua with the valet
Jessica: I love that
Jessica: seriously
Breckinridge: and at dinner talk turned to drugs and she was all "i miss ludes. you could pop half of one and have anal sex all night long."
Breckinridge: while the server was serving our drinks
Jessica: wow
Jessica: I DO love her
Jessica: how did you meet this person?
Breckinridge: mark's friend, a distributer named (we’ll call him davis schmidt). she's the mother of his childhood friend. davis can't be at mark's party on sat so he took us to dinner. he was the one who got us the room at chateau marmont
Breckinridge: and all during dinner jewish karen walker called davis by his full name. " davis schmidt, hand me the butter"
Jessica: I am loving this
Breckinridge: she apparently owns a lot of real estate in town
Breckinridge: and here is the best part. she is currently renting a huge house she owns in BH to (celebrity staring in an upcoming summer blockbuster)
Jessica: this is BRILLIANT
Breckinridge: they converted a 3 car garage into a screening room with the understanding that when he leaves he returns it to how it was
Breckinridge: and then his people wanted to do more stuff and she kept saying no
Breckinridge: so they sent her some info on (name of cult that purports to be a religion)
Breckinridge: and she responds "listen honey, i'm a jew. why don't i send (name of celebrity) the 10 commandments"
Jessica: I am in love with her
Jessica: I bet she has a fur
Breckinridge: i would think so. she had an eye job

Jessica: I am so tempted to post that it was my episode. However, people who read my blog can figure it out
Breckinridge: you need to look at the (name of network) boards
Jessica: why?
Jessica: other boards give me seizures
Breckinridge: they are amusing
Breckinridge: "why this is nothing but politics pretending to be educational"
Jessica: heh
Breckinridge: i love that everyone is complaining that they didn't sneak candy from the dollar store into the dollar movie
Jessica: That IS a good point
Breckinridge: it really is wierd how positive all these posts are on twop
Jessica: well, they liked it
Jessica: it's a smart crowd there
Jessica: a smart liberal crowd
Jessica: I prefer that, anyway. I am of the If You Didn't Like It, I Don't Want to Hear It crowd

Jessica: " MacCaulay Culkin's testimony that Michael Jackson had never fiddled with him went a long way to persuading the jury that Gavin Arvizo's story couldn't be trusted. But we hear from a source in Santa Maria that Macaulay didn't want to testify until the judge ruled that he could not be asked any questions about whether he was the real sperm donor for Paris Jackson...Michael's blonde, fair-skinned daughter."
Jessica: Isn't that an interesting rumor?
Breckinridge: i love it. he uses the sperm of all the boys he molested to father children who he will in turn molest.
Jessica: it's really almost beautiful

Breckinridge: this jerk says he thinks (name of show) was "a poorly made show" because (name of show’s star) bought water at the market rather than drinking tap.
Jessica: well, that person is delusional
Jessica: and also, I feel like poor people should be allowed to maybe buy water at a market something
Jessica: sometimes
Breckinridge: i know. lots of poor people have cable tv too
Breckinridge: my cousin borrows money from my parents to pay the mortgage on his double-wide but his kids go to a private christian school and have cell phones and computers
Jessica: well, that's crazy

birthday pride

2005-06-13T10:09:00.000-07:00

it was mark's birthday on saturday, but he was going to see the kaiser chiefs and i had our office sponsored premiere party so we decided to go out for dinner the night before. i had made our reservation for 9 pm, just so i wouldn't be stressed about getting out of work on time to make an 8 pm, but it turned out that i finished a little early and so we ened up sitting around mark's appartment watching "the breakfast club" on abc family (they censor the shit out of it - even the phrase "eat my shorts" was far too vulger and was redubbed to be "eat my socks")

finally we took a nice little stroll over to lucques. we had a quick little drink at the bar before being seated at a little table in a section of the restaurant that sort of felt like a homey yet modern back porch, between the main dinning room and the courtyard. it was lovely. since i rarely eat bread anymore, i indulged and ate probably two loaves, which they serve accompanied by a cute little plate featuring a slab of butter, a thimble full of salt and a little dish of olives and candied almonds. a perfect way to start the celebretory meal. the menu, however, was a little intimidating. now, i love food and yet i had no idea what some of the things on it were. soas not to embarass myself i won't get into what confused me. i finally decided to start with green garlic and sorrel soup with thyme and topped with a dab of crème fraiche. mark had some sort of ceviche that had grapefruit in it. for the main course i had perfectly cooked king salmon topped with a rustic salsa and served over a salad of frisée, potatoes, and bacon, and drizzled with a warm whole grain mustard dressing. mark had the suckling pig with saffron farro-lentil pilaf, cavolo nero and honey date-lime jam. they were unbelievable. dinner conversation all but stopped as we devoured our food, frequently spooning portions back and forth onto one another's plates. it was heavenly. unfortunately, we had not room left for dessert (what with filling up on bread) so we decided to continue up melrose to sweet lady jane's so we could procure something sweet for later.

saturday i gave mark his gifts. first was a book that i found during my and annie's shopping spree to h.d. buttercups down at the helm's bakery in culver city - "hitchcock style" a glamourous book filled with all sorts of pictures from various hitchcock films as well as chapters on frequent hitchcock collaborators such as saul bass and edith head. the cover features a fatastic picture of tippi hedren in a sleek black gown, holding a crow on her out-strectched arm.

next was a fantastic summery green plaid shirt from a fun british clothing company boxfresh. very ben sherman. mark is mad about british clothing and this was a brand he'd never heard of before. he loved it, putting it on as soon as he opened it and wearing it for the rest of the day.

and then last of all i got him a great book that covers the whole punk movement, not just the music. so it opens with a chapter on warhol and the facotry and covers it's influence on fashion complete with pages devoted to vivienne westwood as well as the aborted sex pistols, russ meyer collaboration "who killed bambi?" it was perfect. i am so good at picking out gifts.

that evening he went to the concert and i took my friend greg to our office party. the head of our company threw it at his house. he live in the original hollywood land subdivision and considering how high it is in the hills, it has quite a bit of ground - a pool, a long lawn (that seems perfect to play croquet on) line in speakers that look like rocks (soas not to disrupt the natural aesthetic) which then terminates in a secret hidden garden with a water feature.

the food was great too: little slices of baguette layered with mashed potatoes, braised meat of some sort (i can't remember if it was beef or pork) and topped with a dallop of horseraddish cream; warm, crispy, grilled mozzerella and prosciutto sandwhiches; marinated beef on dangerously pointy skewers. it was like a festival of meat and i couldn't get enough. touring the house, greg and i noticed all the great photography on display. beautiful. i was (and am) totally jealous.

sunday i had to work. we were shooting some standups for my episode and we did so at the gay pride parade. every so often, we'd run out into the middle of the street, do our thing and then scurry back to the curb to avoing being run over by various floats and marchers. it was fun and exhausting.

so after a little rest, mark and i headed down to the gay festival in west hollywood. i was so looking forawrd to some fair food (i got a funnel cake and an obscene looking bratwurst) but neither was very satisfying. we ran into greg again and together we watched poor sad tiffiany perform. she just sort of comes off like a mom (complete with little round mom pauch) squeezed into a miniskirt and a cleavage bearing top. there was no band, but to make up for it she'd change costumes twice per song and she had a gaggle of gay backup dancers, all of whom looked as though they were 2 when her songs first came out. at one point they slithered up behind tiffany and wrapped a zoro mask across her eyes. then they had a poorly choreogrphed sword fight that i was hoping would culminate in some sword swallowing. it didn't. after she did a souped up version of "i think we're alone now" mark and i headed out and left greg to enjoy deborah gibson. all though i can't see how she could have possible compared.

shopping out of boredom

2005-06-08T16:59:00.000-07:00

work is sort of wierd right now. wierd and exciting at the same time. the show i am working on finally premieres soon and there's always a sense of excitment in the air around this time. also it's a little different than the last few shows i've been on in that those were established shows coming back for second seasons. it's been a while since i've worked on something so fresh and new. episodes have been sent to critics and we wait with baited breath, anxious about the invitable rave reviews. of course the last time i worked on a show that seemed "destined for greatness" it got scathing reviews and was cancelled after two weeks. at this point i'm sort of used to working on shows that make no mark at all. it would be strange to me to work on something that someone has heard of, much less look forward to subsequent episodes.

and so right now i've done pretty much what i can do for my episode. occasionally we screen and i get notes and requests to rewrite certain lines of vo (voice over) or to look up different interivew bytes and usually i do so with effiency. and as such, i am then rewarded with ample down time, so to say. i get bored easily and being an only child require quite a bit of attention. so this past week i had lots of down time and yet certain friends were not around to provide me with and be amused by.me. edwina (who i worked with on my last show and is now working in the same office with me, but on a different project) has been so very busy with her show. jessica was out of town looking at some friend's newborn baby in san francisco (yawn). hacocks was off-line doing god knows what and annie spent much of yesterday at a job interview.

prompted by annie and my shopping excursion this past weekend (she is in desperate need of a runner for her coffee table as well as some sort of a magazine rack, holder or basket) i browsed various online stores in search of something to fill her her needs as well as a few of my own.

i ended up buying these really good pasta bowls that i hope will match the rest of my dishes, which i bought from the now defunct banana republic home collection (rest in peace - i loved you). i love that they are simple and architectural, but i do have a few reservations: they are described as having a matte finish, while my dishes are glossy. it might be okay, but just in case, i only ordered four of the bowls (i have it in my head that i have to have 12 plus 2 for breakage, despite the fact that my dinner table snuggly seats only two) second, there is always a risk in trying to match whites. the shape, i think, will be a nice contrast to what i have. if it works, i'll get more.

i also got a pair of rectangular and a pair of square serving platters. these would be used at the dinner parties i never throw on buffets that i don't have room for. but someday. i won't always live in an apartment with a dining room the size of a handicap stall.

anyway. i guess i ought to go look busy.

mind the succotash

2005-06-08T09:46:00.000-07:00

i burned my tongue last night tasting some hot succotash i was cooking up.

it really hurts.

15 minutes at jiffy lube

2005-06-02T14:13:00.000-07:00

i just went to jiffy lube to get my oil changed. the people that work there guilted me for not bringing my car in sooner because i went over the recommended mileage. my dental higenist does the same thing to me when it becomes clear to her that i haven't flossed once in the 4 months since our last appointment. in both instances i'm left feeling like a small child. i look at the floor and repeatedly appologize.

i was told it the oil change would take 10 to 15 minutes. i sat down and began leafing through a tattered issue of people. I had become engrossed in an article about lindsey lohan's shocking weight loss when one of the mechanics calls me over to go over some business. i set the magazine down and when i returned no more than a minute later, some young girl in a pair of giant wooden bracelets had snatched it up and was reading through it, her hair hanging over her face. she was clearly trying to hide in her hair bacause she knew she was guilty. i'd like to point out that there was nothing else to read in the little waiting area other than a stack of car brochures and a phone book.

fortunately, amusment staggered through the door in the form of (what i can only assume to be) a skanky ho. she was wearing tall white ho shoes, a short skirt and a top that looked like perhaps a placemat that wraped around her bosoms and tied in the back. she carried a big plastic bag full of colthes (i was unclear as to whether she just bought them or if the bag is simply her luggage) and she either had zits covering her chin or a small band-aid coving something. her complexion was such that i couldn't tell. so she came in and just stood expectantly at the counter while the women who worked there ignored her and talked on the phone. finally she turns and addresses me and the two other customers waiting if any of us knew where "bob's hot wings" was. surprisingly i did. it's near the hat store that mark and i went to to buy his new staw porkpie with a feather this past weekend. she seemed really put out. i told her where it was and she turned and wobbled back out onto the sidewalk in search of hot wings. i wondered if she was meeting her pimp.

a few minutes later i was notified that my oil change was done. the magazine theft was still sitting there hiding in her hair as i headed out to car.

ginger lime gimlet

2005-05-30T23:14:00.000-07:00

someone requested my recipe for ginger lime gimlets. the secret lies in the ginger infused simple syrup.

ginger infused simple syrup
ingredients:
2 cups sugar
2 cups water
one 3-inch piece of ginger, peeled and cut into 3/4-inch slices

method:
1. in a small saucepan, combine all the ingredients and cook over medium heat, stirring until the sugar has dissolved.
2. continue to cook until the mixture has thickened slightly, about six to eight minutes. do not boil.
3. remove from the heat and let cool.
4. remove the ginger pieces and discard.
5. store in a covered jar in the refrigerator for up to three days.

(note: i recently made a lime curd tart and the recipe required that sugar be blended with lime zest in a food processor to make a sort of lime flavored sugar. i wonder if this could be done here as well so the simple syrup would be infused with lime as well as ginger. i might try it next time.)

ginger lime gimlets
ingredients:
2 oz. (1/4-cup) vodka or gin
2 tbs. ginger infused simple syrup
2 tbs. freshly squeezed lime juice

method:
fill a cocktail shaker with ice cubes, add remaining ingredients and shake. pour into a martini glass rimmed with sugar and garnish with a slice of lime or perhaps a piece of candied ginger. very sophisticated.

(note: either my martini glasses are too big or perhaps i'm just a lush, but the recipe doesn't seem like it makes all that much. i typically triple the recipe for every two people.)

the middle of memorial day weekend

2005-05-30T12:48:00.000-07:00

sunday:
went to the melrose place famers' market and bought cherries and fantastically ripe avocados. at home later i made a giant bowl of guacamole which mark and i ate for dinner. what a lovely lazy day. i also figured out annie's recipe for ginger lime gimlets, which mark and i drank as we shoveled guacamole into our mouths. we went through an entire bottle of kettle one. so there we sat on the floor at my coffee table eating and drinking and watching select scenes from "all about eve" (yes, we're THAT gay) and "rear window." it was a sort of mini thelma ritter film fest.

top five reason's i love "all about eve":
5. power couple addison dewitt and miss caswell
4. eve harrington's ruthless ambition. so inspiring.
3. "what a story. everything but the bloodhounds snappin' at her rear end."
2. margo channing swilling martinis and blowing smoke in people's faces at bill's party.
1. "i'm so happy you're happy."

top five reasons i love "rear window":
5. poor miss lonely hearts and her imaginary date. so sad and delusional.
4. "did you kill him cause he liked 'cha? just because he liked 'cha?"
3. carry out lobster from 21.
2. thelma ritter and her home-spun wisdom.
1. grace kelly in her green edith head pencil skirt, white halter top, and jangly charm bracelet. she's never looked better.

drunk at work

2005-05-26T15:14:00.000-07:00

wow. i am drunk. did i mention i'm at work? i'm drunk at work. well not "drunk" drunk. just tipsey. tomorrow is jessica's last day (and i'm sure she is looking forward to it - the poor dear. she's had quite a ride on this project) and as such the story department all went to this litte french bistro right behind out building for lunch to sort of celebrate. i had a lemon drop, my new favorite drink of choice for this summer. i also had one last night with mark at numbers as well as at jessica's birthday gala at beechwood on friday where i think i downed no fewer than 11. i love anything rimmed in sugar.

the lunch was nice. only one other person in the group had any sort of adult bevie. i had half a roast chicken and a pile of frites which i almost never had, ever since i had chili fries for lunch several years ago and got sick. i had to go home and actually had to pull over so i could barf in the gutter. ever since, i'm not loving fries. but today, kinda good. i didn't participate much during the conversation during lunch and instead focused more on my food. maybe i'm not used to drinking during the day.

my face feels hot.

candle update

2005-05-23T13:49:00.000-07:00

so i just called empiric to get more info about that addictive candle and was told they don't have a website but i did find out that the make of the candle is a local la artist named douglas little.

here is an interview with him.

i also found out that the SMALL size is $70. the large is $120. i need to get in the candle bidness.

chilling out at the bev center

2005-05-22T18:55:00.000-07:00

i simply had to get out of my apartment which was retaining heat like a pizza stone. i sought air conditioning and where better than the beverly center? as i meandered around i came upon the sickening realization - gyspy peasant skirts have returned. how could this happen. i thought i had seen that last of them when i graduated from ithaca college. but no. every single store at the mall is embracing this sort of gauzy macrame aesthetic. even men's ware! at bloomingdale's i was transfixed by a trio of manequins posing in the entrance way. there they stood, shirts unbuttoned down to the waist, scarves coiled around necks, every one of them swarthed in turquiose necklaces. one of them even wore a cowboy hat and held a lasso. despite my efforts i could not find which department at bloomies was actually selling the lasso. in case you were wondering, i ended up buying two new calvin klein goose down pillows (marked down) and a henkels 4 star serrated bread knife.

after that i went to take a peak at shelter on beverly. is it just me or is that place played? i feel like evey time i go in there it's all the exact same stuff. it's like they haven't progressed at all during the last five years. listen up shelter - you're boring me. and yet, i can't get enough of empiric, right next door. everytime i go in i am this close to buying a set of beakers and like a mortar and pestle. they have the most amazing new candles there in the most interesting (or as the guy who works there put it - eccentric) scents. rhubarb, wormwood, and get this, absinthe. i think i have to have one. the absinthe was unbelievable. i'm sort of surprised i've never seen that particular scent before. doesn't it seem that illume should have it? the thing is, the candles are $70 each. i couldn't justify spending $70 on a candle, could i? the packaging is really good but still. if anyone is trying to think of something they'd want to buy me...

exercise, y'all

2005-05-16T09:26:00.000-07:00

listen, i know. i'm sorry. as you may have read over on jessica's blog, our show is very intense. this plus the fact that i'm am trying very had to maintain my gym schedule despite my work schedule (which to be honest, is not yet as bad as jessica's, though i'm sure will be any day now) and as such i feel like a have no time at all for anything. 10 to 11 hours days followed by an hour at the gym followed by showering and eating (i know i should not eat dinner so late) and then there's like, no time for anything else. i'm practically never bored anymore.

the good thing about the gym (other than the fact that i am steadily losing weight) is that it sort of forces me to relax for an entire hour every other day. even though i hate sweating, it's nice to just clear my mind and read and not think about things like getting act four ready for my editor, making sure that i have the acquired footage i need and worrying about the looming tragedy that is graphics and animation. it's nice that i don't feel stressed really. or angry. who knew that exercise could be so good for you?

papes, chutney, and pregnant aussies

2005-05-01T22:18:00.000-07:00

such an enjoyable weekend.

FRIDAY:
after work i met up with several co-workers at the nu-wilshire to see the scathing new documentary "enron: the smartest guys in the room" with was edited by one of my friends at work. the movie was dense, exciting and infuriating. jessica marched out of the theatre full of rage. me? i was a little confused.

mark and i then caravanned over to the nu-art where we were going to see the ill-fated 90's musical "newsies" at midnight. we had wanted to stop at a dive bar on the way for a cocktail but every place we passed was either a sports bar or was too divey. we ended up at a bar in the middle of the strip club hub of the west side. we finished our drinks and then made our way to the nu-art.

now i had never seen "newsies" but had heard plenty about it, and yet i was not prepared for what is probably one of the gayest studio films of the last 20 years. directed by the choreographer of "dirty dancing," the movie features dozens and dozens of obscenely muscled teenage boys, all in henleys, newsboy caps and yards of tweed, singing! and dancing! all over the universal backlot. it was astounding. essentially it's a love story between rough trade christian bale and the kid who played young tom hanks in "big." there is an unconvincing romance between bale and the other kid's sister, but really, it's about the two boys. for some reason i had never seen it, i would guess it's because it came out when i was a senior in high school and the notion of a musical seemed so uninteresting although now i wish i had gone to see it back then. it's like it was made for closeted children, a sort of service for them to come to terms with feeling they don't quite understand. i honestly didn't expect to enjoy it as much as i did. it's hardly great, but it's certainly ambitious. driving home from the theatre i was inspired to listen to a mix of musicals on my ipod.

SATURDAY:
i spent the afternoon at the gym reading the jane fonda autobiography while sweating away on various cardio machines. at one point a man with a lipless mouth full of teeth and a head the size and shape of a honey baked ham began to rant loudly about a story playing on one of the tv's that hang over the stationary bikes about a woman who jilted her husband at the altar and was then assumed to be missing. after a large police led search it turned out the woman had gotten cold feet and ran. this infuriated ham head and he bitched about it passionately to a nearby exerciser. he thought the woman should be charged for the expense of the investigation of her disappearance. i wished he shut that fuck up about it.

that evening i went over to annie and pierson’s for another one of our little cooking parties, this time an indian feast. as we swilled ginger lime vodka gimlets (i now want everything in my life to be infused with ginger) we made curried cauliflower with chickpeas and tomatoes from the tyler florence cookbook we got last week, mango orange chutney using fresh fruit pierson bought from a mexican on streetcorner, riata, caramelized basmati rice, and chicken tikka masala. since we first had to make various toasted spice blends and curry pastes in order to make the dishes, the prep work took a little longer than we anticipated. we had to send mark and pierson back to the supermarket for more limes so we could keep drinking and by the time dinner was finally ready, it was about 11:45, nearly six hours after we started the feast. with the exception of the rice, which i didn't love, the meal was fantastic, although by that point i was pretty drunk and sleepy.

SUNDAY:
annie and i met up at sur la table at the grove for a cooking presentation by the brilliant cookbook authoress, donna hay. like tyler florence did last week at the book festival, donna prepared several recipes from her new book "the instant cook", but this event was sort of the exact opposite of tyler's. there were maybe 20 people so it felt very intimate and casual. donna, pregnant and cherub cheeked, was warm and earthy. having just flown in from sydney, she was concerned that either jetlag or morning sickness might do her in.

alas it did not and she prepared 3 beautiful recipes from the book: a salad of sesame crusted chicken breast and butter lettuce with a very simple soy and honey dressing, tender rare sliced steak served over blanched asparagus and drizzled with a red and yellow cherry tomato pan sauce with balsamic vinegar, and tiny, gooey chocolate dessert cakes baked in ramekins and topped with a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream (in the book, the recipe calls for the cakes to be baked in teacups - isn't that the cutest?). a pleasant suprise was the fact that we all got small plates of each dish she made. so simple yet flavorful. i want her to be my new best friend.

later, after a late afternoon nap followed by a trip to the supermarket, mark and i went to marix for blood orange margaritas and then dinner at basix, right next door, where i ranted over thin crust pizza about my views on religion and reminisced wistfully about the excitement and optimism of the 90's.

twister meets a taffy pull

2005-04-25T10:24:00.000-07:00

so much has happened lately in all of the important areas of my life: work, leisure, things i cook/eat. i have been busy/lazy and have been neglecting my blog and for that i am ashamed/sorry.

i had hoped i would go back to work on the next season of the show i was on, hopefully this time in a more highly paid and powerful position. oh, to have and wield power. but alas, it was not to be. things didn't work out, as they so often do (or don't) in hollywood. instead i was called in by the company jessica refers to as "high class documentary company" to interview for a project. it went well and i was offered the position.

the day i accepted it, i was called back 30 minutes later by the same company to inquire as to whether i could and would come work on an episode of one of their other shows (which happens to be the same show jessica is currently working on) staring the next day. i was momentarily conflicted, as i had just settled into my not-working routine (wake up, followed by an hour at the gym, followed by hours of food network), but the thought of working on this project with so many people i love...i naturally jumped at the chance. plus i would be making money again, rather than unemployment. money is good.

the day before i began my new job i had over one set of “the girls” (i have three sets of girls, none of whom really intermingle and all of whom seem vaguely threatened by the others) and i made them a dinner. this set comprised hilarious bitches heather and jessica, and lauren who instigated the evening. it seems she had been reading about various dishes i've prepared and written about and wondered why i never cook for her. i asked her what she wanted me to cook. "something with cheese!" she IMed emphatically. and so i designed and prepared a meal: a very easy and fool-proof garlic, rosemary and lemon chicken thing that i do often, grilled asparagus, and a four cheese macaroni and cheese gratin. for dessert i had wanted to make a peach and blueberry crumble, but after going to several different grocery stores, came to the realization that peaches were not yet in season. instead i challenged myself to a lime curd tart. although i am usually weary of making desserts, as many i've made in the past don't quite work out, since this was a recipe from barefoot contessa i felt pretty confident that it would turn out. her recipes are perfect. and after spending the day making a shortbread crust, blind baking and making curd, i was rewarded with a perfect tart which was the perfect end to a perfect evening. thanks ina.

my first week back at work was good. it's a challenging show and i'm sure i will the soon driven to the same level of crankiness that jessica is currently experiencing, but right now i'm still sort of in the honeymoon stage. plus i haven't yet been snowballed by work (which is why i'm able to write this during the day, at the office).

finally friday rolled around and after work i went over to annie's to see her new baby - a lipstick red saarinen womb chair. it is breathtaking and looks perfect in the room. we spent the evening eating quesadillas and fresh guacamole (she makes hers with mayonnaise which seems blasphemous, but it tastes great, so whatever), swilling petrone margaritas, and looking at the new chair in between watching episodes of nip/tuck season one.

saturday morning mark and i watched "how to boil water" on food network and in the episode, hunky chef tyler florence made classic caesar salad dressing, complete with raw egg yolks and anchovies. mark became obsessed with having a classic caesar salad, since most places that serve them omit the raw egg and anchovies. so that night i made the perfect quintessential caesar salad (although it wasn't tyler's recipe). instead i used the recipe used by the famous new york city restaurant, 21. it just seemed right. so classic and old school. with it, i splurged and made pepper crusted filet mignon with a shallot and brandy sauce (again, a barefoot contessa recipe. that lady is a genius). as we ate we watched “the servant,” the film that the play i saw the other week was based on. we had planned to go out after dinner, but as the night wore on and it began to rain a little, it seemed more fun to stay at home and drink more wine, our stomachs full of meat.

sunday, after i went over to lauren's for coffee and to see the newly painted orange wall in her bedroom (gorgeous), i went down and picked up annie and together we went to the los angeles times festival of books on the ucla campus. hunky chef tyler florence (annie kept referring to him as tyson beckford) was going to be there in person promoting his new cookbook provocatively titled "eat this book." we spent much of the afternoon in the sunshine first watching him prepare two recipes from the book and then standing in line waiting for him to sign our copies of the book. i was disappointed that there weren't more gay men there, just a lot of giddy young college girls. much like previous book signings i've attended, hours of waiting culminates in an all too brief exchange of pleasantries between myself and the author and an undecipherable scrawl on the book's title page.

that evening, annie and i prepared a meal from the book (the same dishes tyler prepared on stage at the book fair): a sort of tomato and bread salad (fantastic) and putenesca sauce (a little too salty, my fault) served over freshly made pasta. yes, we made pasta from scratch. tyler made it look so easy, and it was, sort of. It was kind the game twister, meets a taffy pull. fresh pasta has a great texture, but the stuff we made could have been a bit thinner. oh, well. there's always next time. annie and i have decided to cook a proper sunday meal every week. we'll see how long this lasts.

downtown: where all the lights are bright

2005-04-15T11:01:00.000-07:00

last night mark and i went downtown to the music center to see matthew bourne's "play without words." it's based on a british film from the mid-sixties called "the servant." it's about the a pampered playboy and the slightly kinky relationship he has with his man servant. the playboy has an affair with the man servant's sister, the man servant gets jealous, tables are turned, roles are reversed and all of this unfolds through dance! dance! dance! i have to admit, i was a little confused. mark explained much of the plot to me afterwards.

i did rather enjoy it, despite being confused. there is also a device used in the play that is a little hard to explain. three different dancers, all dressed exactly alike, play the main characters and all three are typically on stage at the same time. for example when the playboy is seducing the man servant's sister, there are three different dance seductions occuring at different places on the stage at the same time, all sort of interweaving and overlapping with one another. it's very layered and kind of amazing.

also amazing where the costumes, particularly the womens' - perfectly taylored crisp women's suits, with pointy heels and houndstooth coats. also adding to the complexity of all the dance was a large double staircase set, one side curved, and with a detailed railing, the other angular and plain, which interacted with the dancers as much as the dancers interacted with one another. the entire staircase would swing around and then revolve back as people were dancing up and down it. it was spectacular.

the evening felt so cultural and grown up. it was sort of appropriate to see a play set in the sixties at the music center, which feels like a step back in time. most of it. the dorothy chandler and the mark taper forum are perfect midcentury architecture, complete with sprawling wind-swept plazas, fountains, reflecting pools, and chunky sculpture. providing the perfect backdrop is the department of water and power building, which looks like something howard roark from "the fountainhead" might design. two huge but shallow fountains bookend the dwp building. what makes it strange is that viewing it from the music center one can see the fountain on one level and right beneath it is a parking structure. but then the whole building is all about thin horizontal layers that seem to float one on top of the other, so maybe that's the point.

unfortunately, the ahmanson, unlike the rest of the music center, has been modernized so it no longer share the same 60's glamour as the rest of the complex. it's been sort of casualized in a way that now makes it sort of feel like an auditorium on a college campus. no chandeliers, no grand staircase. for a building who's function is to present drama, the building itself is highly undramatic. although i am happy to report that i saw three women trying to retain some sense of theatre going elegance - one wore fur, one wore gold lame, and the last wore sequins. i also had the misfortune of spoting some young woman in the crowd wearing uggs and a pashmina. poor thing. so clueless.

i love downtown and have not so secret fantasies of living in a loft down there. mark and i looked ot one in the orpheum building and i couldn't imagine anything more romantic than to live above an old move palace (we met at the pantages) with the theatre's vertical marquee right outside our oversized windows perfectly framing views of the orangy sunsets and the aqua terra cotta of the art deco masterpiece, eastern building. however, despite the staggering amount of redevelopement going on downtown (they are actually turning office buildings built in the 80's into "lofts") it's still a little desolate feeling and there don't seem to be any good grocery stores nearby. what would happen if, in the middle of, say, braising some red cabbage, i run out of apple cidar vineagar? where would mark go?

a loft in hollywood - that's a different story. two buildings at the corner of hollywood and vine are being redeveloped. one is the former broadway department store and it's being redone by the people who own the viceroy hotel in santa monica with interior spaces designed by decorating wunderkind, kelly wearstler. they even have plans to construct a pool on the roof! it all sounds very promising. can you imagine? a pool on the roof at the corner of hollywood and vine? living in a former department store? love. it.

service with a sneer

2005-04-10T17:18:00.000-07:00

it's a lazy sunday afternoon. mark and i, after hanging out at my apartment doing nothing in particular, decided that it might be nice to walk down to street to the abbey. one of the blogs i regularly read, weho mark, seems to frequent the abbey and he makes it sound quite appealing. mark (my boyfriend, not "weho mark" although my mark also lives in weho, but anyway) wanted a nibble and wanted anything as long as it was cold and sweet and in a martini glass and could get me lit.

as soon as we stepped though the gates, it all felt wrong. i've had a long held hatred of the abbey. ever since they've started adding onto it, it's morphed from a charming coffee place with fantastic desserts and very good food to this irritating high energy dance club sans the dancing. and i realize that i'm sounding like my parents, but does the music have to be so gosh darn loud? ok, i would understand if it was 11:30 on friday night, but even at 10 in the morning during brunch it's the same thing. after asking three different people if they could find us a menu to look at and being treated with the same put upon disregard, we decided to fuck it all. we ended up going to tango grill and having mediocre salads and sangria.

after we ate, mark and i headed to the new adidas store on melrose so mark could get some new sneakers. he found a pair, tried them on and after deciding they were a tad tight, asked for the next size larger. the sales kid went to the back and when he returned, informed us that there were out of that size. here's what did NOT happen. apology, followed with a big smile, "let me call another store to see if they have you size." what DID happen was: blank, gape mouthed stare, pause, "i guess i could call the santa monica store." yeah, burnout. i guess you COULD.

now, i am hardly some high maintenance bitch customer from hell. in fact, i've worked in the service industry and i know how easy it is to be polite and helpful. jessica suggested that i write an angry letter and i joked that since i'm confronted with many people and situations in which it'd like to write an angry letter, it might be more time efficient to simply come up with a form so all i have to do is fill in the blanks - a sort of angry letter mad lib. and so i present:

dear (name of manager or supervisor),

i was recently a patron at (name of establishment) and i found the experience to be (adjective). the service was (adjective) and the lackidasical staff treated me (adverb). when i asked the (type of person working at establishment) for a (noun), all they did was (verb) at me with a (adjective) look on their (noun). it was very (adjective). i'm not sure how you can allow the (type of establishment) to be run in such a (adjective) manor. you ought to be ashamed. as far as i'm concerend, your employees can (verb) in hell and i hope you get (type of fatal disease). you, can be sure that you have seen the last of my patronage.

(expletive) off,

(your name)

waiting for fonda

2005-04-08T07:53:00.000-07:00

and so ends my first week of unemployment. it's been filled with dull things not worth writing about (taking pants in to have them hemmed, getting drunk, my growing preocupation with a local go-go boy) although last night was sort of exciting. up the street at book soup there was a book signing to promote film legend and fitness queen, jane fonda's new book "my life so far."

now, i would rate myself as a moderate fan of ms. fonda's. i've certainly not seen all of her films, and of the ones i have seen, i tend to prefer the lighter comedies (with the exception of "klute") such as "barefoot in the park," "9 to 5," "fun with dick and jane" (which is being remade with cameron diaz and jim carery - could be good), or any of the films in which she wore heavy false eyelashes and had big hair, such as "walk on the wild side" and of course "barbarella." i'm sort of excited by her upcoming and long awaited return to film, "monster-in-law," not because i think it will be very good, but rather i like the idea of her mistreating jennifer lopez. ("swept away" was similarly satisfying - madonna FINALLY being bitchslapped for her shrewish and entitled behavior).

early in the day i phoned the book store to inquire about the event and was told that it's recommended to buy the book in advance and with it one receives a numbered ticket. then each person gets their book signed in numerical sequence. i did and was assigned ticket number 152, out of 200 that were going to be issued.

despite the fact that the numbered ticket more or less guarantees that you get to have you book signed ("unless she's in a bad mood," one of the store's staff informed me on the phone, during our transaction), i thought it wise to get to the store early. it was quite a mob scene. there were all sorts of people lined up. some bought the kind of portable chairs one might bring to the beach. many had memorobilia which the store made clear that she wasn't going to sign. and yet they clung to their "barbarella" posters with hope. there were also photographers and camera crews. two of the crews shot me sitting, waiting and reading the book and one of them interviewed me. i only agreed because of the fact that it was for german television and i would never see it.

as time drew near, a book soup worker with a bull horn ordered us with little patience to line up according to our numbers and then groups of ten were paraded into the store and past the information desk in the back where ms. fonda would sign the books and pose for pictures. while waiting in line, another of book soup's efficient and irritable employees came around and asked each person if they would care to have the inscription personalized and if so, he wrote that person's name on a yellow post-it marking the page to be signed (although the woman behind me explained with authority to the woman in front of me that having the inscription personalized lessens the value).

i am such a geek but it was kind of exciting when i first caught a glimpse of jane sitting, signing and smiling. finally my time arrived. my book was taken from me and placed before jane. she consulted the post-it and looked up at me. "hi, grant." "hi," i replied as she began to scrawl loop after loop with a black sharpie on the book's title page. "what do you do?" she asked. "i'm a writer," i said, small. i don't recall her response athough i'm pretty sure i said thank you. i wish i'd had something clever to say, but alas, nothing. i never know what to say to celebrities. i'm terrible in situations like that.

the lady is nearly 70 years old and recently had hip replacement but i couldn't get over how good she looked. unlike poor faye dunaway who's face has been cleaved and hacked at by some butcher of a plastic surgeon, jane's face was soft and covered in beautiful lines and creases. she wore a smart looking twead jacket with frayed edges and i was struck by her eyes. they were large and a pale watery blue. people like paul newman and elizabeth taylor are known for their eyes, but in pictues and movies, jane's never seemed like anything unordinary, and yet in person they were captivating.

a year or so ago i went to a book signing in century city for carrie fisher's most recent book, "the best awful." i stood in line behind a group of older affluent looking women who, as we all waited and waited, made jokes about carrie's drug problems. somebody noticed that carrie had arrived and was walking to the back of the store. one of the women commented that it looked at though carrie was staggering. another remarked, "oh carrie, pull it together." it was mean and hilarious. i'd never heard women that age be so catty. it was sort of inspiring. when i got up to the table, carrie looked up at me from under heavy eyelids, like a turtle sticking it's head out of it's shell. a smile crept across her cheeks and then she focused her attention back on signing my book. it was as if the whole thing were taking place in slow motion.

perhaps she was tired, the poor dear. i never finished reading her book.

things lately

2005-04-01T15:46:00.000-08:00

a few notable things have been happening over the past few days.

1. mark bought new sheets from pbteen. we slept on them last night. soft and stripey.

2. i found on craigslist what i had hope would be the new apartment into which mark and i would move. it was described as a one bedroom with a large formal dining room, with a dressing area that they claimed could be used as a little office. the posting also boasted that it had hardwood floors, a bay window and a working, WOOD BURNING FIREPLACE! i called up the landlord and made an appointment. yesterday i left work early and took a look at it.

the building is fantastic, 30's french normandie style (complete with turrets) with a lushly landscaped courtyard, shaded by mature pine trees and covered in ivy. the first thing that concerned me about the place was the fact that it was located on a major, very busy street and the fact that it was sort of close to the road. also it's a ground floor apartment and the windows are large and low to the ground. despite the fact that there were discrete bars on them, it felt very exposed and perhaps vulnerable. inside i discovered that while quite expansive, much of the 1100 square feet was eaten up by hallways and other strange spaces between rooms. there were loads of closets, including a walk in pantry, but the dressing room that they insisted could be a small office was laughable. it would feel like you were emailing from a closet.

being an enthusiastic cook, i need a well set up kitchen. and though my current kitchen is only slightly larger than a phone booth, it's actually very easy to cook in. this one was long and narrow and at one end, in what they described as the breakfast area, there were laundry hook ups, awkwardly placed under a window. so you could either get a washer and dryer which would be convenient but look ugly, or you could not, and then have to figure out how to hide the water pipes, gas line and vent. also awkward was the layout of the bedroom. on every wall there was either a window or a door (one of the doors led outside to a dark and narrow hallway between the building and the one next to it. it was a little creepy) and as such there was no place one would put a bed, unless it was jammed into a corner or blocking the window.

much of this i could have looked past. i could deal with the narrow kitchen and i guess i would have figured out where to put the bed. i mean, presented with living someplace with a wood burning fireplace and a swinging door from the kitchen into the dining room, i could have made it work. the bathroom, however was the clincher. it was a vision in vintage pink tile. now while i am a big fan of vintage tile, pink is not particularly high on the list of colors i like, or even will tolerate. NO PINK!

3. i've been asked by one of the party's involved not to go into any detail about this third noteworthy event, but suffice it to say, it was traumatic enough to warrant great quantities of liquor. last night we went to el coyote (which was jammed with hipsters and gays in tight shirts - typical) and discussed the event in question and downed margaritas, chips and guac. afterward we picked up a slab of dolce de leche cake at sweet lady (although i always call it "baby") jane's which we ate accompanied by dessert wine, while we watched lizzie grubman wreak havok in the hamptons. (that show is a mess. a fantastic mess.)

4. today is my last day on this job and i'm a little melancholy that it's ending. although i wasn't expecting to, i've loved it. we had a great team and we all worked really well together. of course i've worked with almost all of them before on other shows, so i'm sure i'll work with them again. perhaps on the next season of this show.

easter extravaganza

2005-03-28T10:15:00.000-08:00

i'm not sure when or where the idea originated but for about the last month annie and i have been prepping and planning for a big easter dinner. in the weeks the preceeded the holiday, there were multiple phonecalls discussing the guest list (originally it was to be six people, then annie felt it neccesary to invite her neighbors and their two kids, then while drunk she invited her brother-in-law who then wanted to know if it was alright to bring his latest girlfriend - annie explained to him that it was not). we would ponder the menu (annie's neighbors are vegetarian, so there was that to consider).

we settled on:
carrot ginger soup
a salad of mixed baby greens with roasted beets, walnuts and chevre
a roast leg of lamb with lemon, garlic and rosemary
grilled asparagus with a carmelized shallot vinaigrette
a mixture of roasted red, yellow and orange tomatoes and bell peppers with garlic, thyme and balsamic vinegar
jerusalem artichoke, gruyere, and potato gratin
and for dessert, a four berry triffle

annie also designed a special easter cocktail to greet our guests - champagne with a ginger infused pomegranate syrup and grand marnier.

we then had to figure out who was going to cook what (i took the lamb, the gratin, and the tomato and peppers), and finally annie being who she is (phychotically organized), she hammered out our time table down to the minute. the following was attached to one of the many emails annie sent me.

Saturday (annie’s list)
crate + barrel: miranda trifle bowl, stainless steel gravy/sauce boat + 4 libson wine glasses
make soup
roast beets
make salad vinaigrette
make trifle

Sunday (annie + grant’s list)
1:00pm grant arrives
heat oven to 350°

1:15pm put lamb in oven (2 hrs)

2:00pm boil ingredients for cocktail syrup (10mins)

2:15pm place cocktail syrup in fridge + cool

2:30pm make asparagus vinaigrette
prepare asparagus

3:00pm sit out bowls of candy

3:15pm remove lamb from oven
increase oven temp to 425°

3:30pm reheat soup on low heat on stovetop
finish cooking gratin (15-20 mins)
roast bell peppers + tomatoes (30 mins)

3:45pm toss salad in large bowl, add beets, walnuts, cheese
toast baguette (7-10 mins)
grill asparagus on stovetop (12 mins)
slice lamb + layout on platter
pour gravy in boat

3:55pm remove baguette from oven
cut baguette and place around edges of salad bowl
place asparagus on serving plate and drizzle with vinaigrette

4:00pm serve delicious easter dinner

on saturday i ended up going to no less than five different supermarkets trying to find my ingredients (no one sells jerusalem artichokes). this included a trip to the santa monica farmers' market where i had to plead with mark not to get into an arguement with a man we saw there holding up a sign that read "thou shalt not kill teri schiavo." mark has rage issues.

i spent the rest of the afternoon prepping my half of the menu. but then on sunday, mark and i made the erroneous decision to celebrate the resurection and it threw the entire schedule off. i ended up arriving at annie's an hour later than was supposed to and though i feared her wrath, after a few easter cocktails everything was fine. approximately one hour later than scheduled, we sat down to our beautifully prepared and delicious meal.

(not pictured: easter cocktail, carrot ginger soup, and berry triffle)

although everyone enthusiastically declared the meal to be a success, i was a little disappointed. at least in my portion if the dinner. i didn't love the dishes i made, whereas everything annie made was fantastic. she got more compliments on her dishes than i did on mine which made me glad that i didn't voice my idea of having people vote on their favorite thing on the menu. on top of it, i got an allergy attack near the end of the meal. my eyes were red and i couldn't stop sneezing. finally, i couldn't take it anymore, so we bid everyone adieu and mark and i went home. i took several claritin and went straight to bed. happy easter.

love the grove, hate the homeless

2005-03-23T12:44:00.000-08:00

despite everyone insisting that it was supposed to be awful, i went to go see the ring 2 last night at the grove. upon my arrival, a strange thing happened. some woman calls out to me and asks if i have any spare change. AT THE GROVE. what the grove turning into? 3rd street promenade? what next? breakdancers and card tables covered in greenpeace stickers?

i love the grove. i know alot of people balk that it's so fake looking and it features all the same stores as every other mall in los angeles (and most of the country) but i love it. the crate and barrel there rocks. i like that it looks like the town square from back to the future. i like the piped in music that seems to come from everywhere. i love the double decker trolley and the dancing fountians. and i'm sorry if this sounds unsympathetic, but i like not having dirty burnouts accost me for change.

what is it with these homeless people, anyway? i resent the way they cram their homeless lifestyle down everyone's throats, what with the shabby way they dress and all their "hey buddy! got any change? i'm hungry" and those depressing little cardboard signs they hold up at intersections. fine. we get it. you're a vietnam vet with no legs. keep it to yourself.

dog balls

2005-03-17T12:18:00.000-08:00

i saw the grossest thing today driving to work. a man near the intersection of coldwater canyon and mulholland was walking his dog. it seemed to be a big white chow but it was trimmed so that only its head and its tail had the bushy chow hair (fur?). you know, they way they do with poodles. the thing is, chows are much beefier than poodles so it looked rather strange. stranger still, unlike when poodles are timmed in this manor (they are typically left with very closely cropped curly hair covering their bodies) this dog looked to have been completely shaved smooth. so here's this man walking his fuzzy headed and tailed, pink bodied, burly dog. then. as they round the corner i noticed the dog's balls swinging between his legs. they weren't abnormally large (i guess) but lemme say, the boy had a pair of low hangers. smooth, pink, low-hanging dog balls.

uninspired waffles

2005-03-16T14:27:00.000-08:00

los angeles is a town that loves its brunch and since moving here, i've become a brunch lover myself. i love quality on beverly. doughboys does great breakfasts, all day long, in addition to their genius soups. and i always enjoy going to new breakfast places, but the inevitable problem is so does everyone else and as a result, waits can get unbearable. mark and i used to go to a place on sunset called the griddle cafe that had a list of interesting chilies and served french press coffees. but soon, every hipster nursing a hangover within a two mile radius began flocking there on the weekends. we stopped going. then toast opened up on beverly. again with the waiting. and just so you know. toast ain't worth it.

now, i just found out about some new breakfast place on sunset called wacky waffles. as if the name wasn't already shudder-inducing, the logo is a waffle wearing a trucker hat, running, a large bite out of its side. despite the tedious logo and stupid name, i'm not yet closed off to the idea of a wacky waffle.

however, perusing their menu, i'm struck by how wacky it's NOT. other than the namesake wacky waffle, for some reason they name these wacky waffles after nearby streets. also the toppings are in no way wacky. in fact, i would go so far as saying that the waffles are rather uninspired. "the wacky" is topped with apples, blueberries, strawberries, bananas, & raspberries with whipped cream. (can you stand ALL those berries?!? pretty fucking wacky) the sunset is topped with cinnamon apples & whipped cream. the roxbury is topped with raspberries & whipped cream. the fairfax is topped with strawberries & whipped cream. the harper (why harper? i mean i get fairfax and roxbury, but harper?) is topped with blueberries & whipped cream. and the sweetzer is topped with pecans & whipped cream.

could these toppings be any less interesting?

they have a whole assortment of wacky breakfast foods ranging all the way from pancakes to french toast and then back around to crepes. the wacky crepe featuring the unimaginably wacky combination of ham, mushrooms and cheese. here's another complaint i have. get a copy writer to add some sizzle to the menu. simply listing ham, mushrooms and cheese is really fucking boring. what KIND of cheese? is it gruyere or is it, say, velveta. now actually velveta and, like, spam really WOULD be a wacky crepe. wacky and delicious.

at least with the opening of this place, maybe now one will be able to get seated at the griddle in under an hour.

blog fodder: postscript

2005-03-16T12:42:00.000-08:00

it seems my last posting has upset people. here is an excerpt from an IM conversation i had with jessica moments after she read it:

jessica: you are so goddamn tiresome
jessica: I can't believe that you're mad I didn't write about going to dinner on my blog
jessica: a) I rarely write about my personal life on their
jessica: b) I mean there
jessica: c) Was it not enough for you that we had a really good time together?
jessica: MUST EVERYTHING BE ABOUT YOOOOOOU?
jessica: I'm not really mad
jessica: but I think Edwina might kill you
jessica: I say nice things about you on my blog all the time
me: i'm not mad either. just hurt
jessica: are you really hurt that I didn't write about it? I hardly ever update.
jessica: I didn't write about Carrie's birthday party
jessica: or going to Kevin's for absinthe
jessica: or any number of other social things I have done
me: readers want to hear about that stuff

blog fodder

2005-03-16T09:20:00.000-08:00

so i feel like i'm under a little bit a pressure in writing this blog. i know a lot of my friends and coworkers read it so i always have to keep my audience in mind, whether i'm editing my feelings and thoughts about certain people and situtations or even if i'm simply wanting to keep them entertained. more than once readers who i socialize and/or work with have begun suggesting fodder that they think might be good to write about.

my office-mate, edwina, presented me with a mail order beauty supply catalogue one day featuring an item called "fat girl slim." it purports to be a "lean mean circulation stimulating slimming cream" full of caffeine for use anywhere on the body, from thighs to abs to arms. edwina stood there expectantly as i looked blankly at the pink page. "it's called 'fat girl slim'! i mean, who would buy that?" she trilled. "who would actually buy something that had 'FAT GIRL SLIM' on the label?!?"

there is a fine line between seinfeldian observational humor and the sorts of things i write about and only i know that line. but thanks, edwina.

weeks later my friend annie thought that it might be a good idea for me to write about her wedding and began to make arrangements to email me photos that i could upload. she has a point. the wedding WAS wracked with drama. a certain guest and his whorish girlfriend both got drunk and made spectacles of themselves. she danced around in her slutty dress (completely inappropriate for a backyard wedding in rural pennsylvania) and spanked some of the other guests, while he broke two glasses (the shards of which ricocheted off the dance floor and came close to blinding the bride) and one of the caterer's chairs. he then pretended that the broken legs were antlers. later the two fought, she cried off her mascara and then passed out in the bride's parent's well-appointed guest bedroom.

it's true that a more detailed account of this wedding disaster might make for some good reading (i didn't even get into the drama the swirled around the choosing of the table linens) but it's just not relevant to the here and now.

then last night i went over to my friend heather's to see her new sofa that was finally delivered from crate and barrel after like 8 months of waiting. in celebration of the new seating, we dined on a hearty red pepper and sweet potato soup and a crunchy baguette. then we watched the premiere of project greenlight and an episode of power girls that she had on tivo. once i got home, i had a message from her suggesting titles for my blog entry recounting our evening.

i can understand where they are coming from. you can imagine my disappointment when, after inviting jessica over for a fabulous curry i slaved over (i even had to go to an indian grocer to get certain exotic ingredients) and to watch the fabulous and overwrought elizabeth taylor epic "boom," i eagerly checked her blog for days afterward expecting a witty recounting of the evening. and yet there was no mention. rather she complained that her neighbor still had their christmas tree up. there was even a picture. but there was no mention of "boom" or curry. it was as if the evening never happened.

trouser browsing

2005-03-10T16:39:00.000-08:00

things have slowed a bit at work so i've been taking to opportunity to do some cyber window shopping.

it was all so innocent until i came across this guy. stubble + cleft chin + big(ish) nose = sweet sticky love. jessica and i have had many discussions over the appeal of a big nose. and if that nose has a bump from being broken? oh honey. i think we might have a fight on our hands. obviously i'd win, not that she wouldn't put up a good fight.

i've named my new pretend gap model boyfriend "logan." he's a really good cook and he has a sailboat. sometimes he packs a picnic lunch of cold roast chicken and potato salad and we sail around marina del rey until the sky turns orange.

anyway.

next i went to banana republic. while browsing the trousers i came across these pants. even though i have no idea what he looks like, something about the way this guy is standing is making me horny. he's clearly packing. i also actually like his shiney shoes and his big cuffs. i'll bet logan would look good in these pants. maybe i'll order him a pair.

finally i ended up at bruce weber's wet dream. here we have another big nosed model (big noses seem to be very now). but i don't know. this guy so doesn't do it for me. while logan and horny pants are cocksure, this skinny little a&f runt looks uncertain and insecure. i don't know what bruce weber was doing behind the camera, but it's clearly making this guy uncomfortable.

back in my day abercrombie and fitch models were hot football/lacross/athlete types. where'd they go? this guy looks like the guy the football players would give wedgies to.

what's happened to a&f? their sizing is ridiculous. they offer like 29, 30, 31 and 32 inch waists. what the hell? i know that there happen to be a lot of frat boys who wear, say, size 36. jessica pointed out that a few years ago a& f sold thongs for girls in, like, 3rd grade, so i guess their line of thinking has been suspect for a while now. here's an idea. focus less on promoting the abercrombie "lifestyle" and your publicist fueled little magazine featuing interviews with "rising stars" that no one gives a rat's ass about. (who the fuck is glenn dunk?) just concern yourselves with offering the clothes in more than two sizes.

thanks.

kabbalah gang bang

2005-03-10T09:22:00.001-08:00

last night i rented a porn (for research purposes) and you can imagine my surprise when, in the midst of all the sucking, plowing and dirty talk, i noticed that one of the performers was wearing a RED STRING KABBALAH BRACELET! for christ's sake kabbalah, leave our porn stars alone! isn't it enough that you've sunk your claws into madonna, ashton and demi, and poor brit brit? but now, to go after poor inocent gay porn stars who don't know any better. where will it end? hopefully we won't soon see "kabbalah gang bang."

actually. that might be interesting. all those cute kabbalah guys stripping out of their all white outfits...

there could be a whole series of religious cult gay porn:
"scientology suck fest"
"horny krishnas"
"catholic my hot ass"

sailors, glow-sticks and elk chops

2005-03-06T21:02:00.000-08:00

conceived at annie's birthday dinner several weeks ago, the six of us thought it would be fun to get away to santa barbara for the weekend, go wine tasting, and celebrate heather and anthony's recent engagement. in the weeks that followed, annie anointed herself "tour guide tammy" and quickly took charge of planning the trip, finding the motel and planning our itinerary down to the minute.

here's what happened:

FRIDAY
after work, mark and i met up at annie and pierson's apartment. we boarded her spacious and clean passat and after grabbing some slices at abbot's pizza company in venice, we swung by pierson's office to pick him up. we quickly ate and then hit the road. anthony was attending a lecture or something at the museum of television and radio, so he and heather were going to come up afterward and meet us.

about an hour and a half of traffic-free driving later, we reached santa barbara. all the bars on state street were hopping with college kids and a surprising amount of sailors in their cute little sailor costumes. lewd and graphic jokes about seamen followed. we briefly entertained the idea of going to a bar full of college kids and sailors, as i couldn't remember the last time i went drinking someplace that had a smoke machine, but rather, we decided to head to the motel and check in. when we did, we discovered that the motel, along with a significant portion of the western half of town was without power. upon check in we were issued glow-sticks.

rather than sit around the motel which looked more than a little spooky in the dark, we made our way to a divey bar we discovered down the street called don's cocktails where doris day played on the jukebox.

SATURDAY
so it turns out that as nice as the motel is, and it's perfectly lovely, the walls are paper thin. due to these thin walls, i woke up a little earlier than i would have liked, thanks to kids yelling and laughing right outside in the parking lot, cars driving by and the squeaky wheels of the housekeeping cart.

brunch was at a fantastic place that mark and i discovered on our previous trip to SB, called tupelo junction cafe. annie and i fuelled one another's rage over the snotty hostesses ineffecient use of tables that resulted in the four of us sitting at a round table and heather and anthony sitting at a small table for two several feet away. (we could have waited, but tour guide tammy was concerned that we'd be thrown off schedule). mimosa's calmed us down and pumpkin oatmeal waffles with carmelized banana's filled us up.

then it was off to the wine tasting. because of all the rains we've have recently, the hillsides are a lush mossy green and dusted with yellow and orange wild flowers. the first place we went to, gainey vineyards, was absolutely gorgeous. the tasting for the white wines took place in a large, cool room filled with dozens and dozens of oak barrels, the light was dim and buttery. the reds were served up out near a garden boardered by a low wide wall and dotted with sprawling, craggy oak trees. it was just lovely. we bought a 2004 riesling.

the next place we went to was the exact opposite of the first. where as the gainey vinyard was elegant and serene, this place was tacky and loud. the building was painted and distressed soas to look "ancient" and was filled with a group of slutty women who seemed to be on a sort of bachelorette winery crawl. in a caravan of limos. we decided to just leave.

we ended up at a small family farm called beckmen vineyards. very rustic but pretty cute. we sipped wine out on a deck overlooking a small pond. a grey cat lay asleep beside a chair and when we knelt down to pet him he gradually came to but acted a little strage, very disoriented. its fur was matted and it felt sort of skinny. despite the fact that the cat had raised its head, his eyes remained shut. we thought perhaps it was hung over. annie, for some reason, decided that the cat must have leukemia. the cat then flopped its head back down on the deck with a dull thud. we bought a 2002 marsanne.

after that we went to firestone vineyards, but despite the walls covered with family portraits, this one felt very corporate. the tasting portions were very small (the bottles had spouts that measured out consistant and exact amounts) and the building was very severe looking and, i thought, ugly. by this point i had a buzz and was starting to lose interest. everything was sort of tasting the same so i began to focus more on the other wine tasters. there was this one couple who i took an instant hating to. the guy was a sort of better looking kevin federline type (skinny, scraggly beard), and wore a sort of narrow brimmed fedora that he had cocked arrogantly to one side, a fuschia lacoste shirt with flipped up collar (predictable and tiresome), a certain brand of jeans that all the hip kids are wearing which hung way low on his ass, and flip-flops. his girlfriend wore sunglasses and a big floppy jennifer lopez hat. as we were finishing up another large, crass group took over the place so we hauled ass to...

the curtis winery, which has a reciprocal thing with firestone - you buy a tasting at one, get your keepsake glass (i didn't keep mine) and can drink at the other for free. between the mixing of all the different wines and the fast driving on the hilly roads, i was really feeling sick. so as the others tasted more wine, i sat outside and got some fresh air. to make matters worse, federline and lopez hat soon came sauntering up followed by more of these bachelorette party girls, screaming and "WOOOOO!"ing. (i mean, who does that at a winery? perhaps they need to head down to the college bars on state street and party with the horny sailors) mark decided that i needed something to eat to soak up the wine so he bought some cheese straws that we ate out under another one of those fantastic oak trees. it didn't help.

by the time we got to the famous fess parker winery i was in no condition. everyone else went inside and i took a nap in the car. after a brief stop in charming and quaint los olivos (where i also sat and slept in the car), we headed back to the motel.

by dinner time i was feeling better and it's a good thing, because anthony had made reservations at a venitian wine bar (oh, god - more wine) and tapas place called la ombretta. in doing research for the trip, tour guide tammy discovered some negative reviews of the place, so she and i were a little bit leary but i'm glad to report that our experience was fantastic. we ordered dozens of little plates to share featuring delightful and tasty items as:
- a marinated and grilled vegetable platter
- a sampler of different cured meats
- a selection of sausages (one of which i recall was duck) with onion marmalade
- tiny red peppers stuffed with pesto ricotta (we ended up oredering a second plate, they were so good)
- a fantastic salad of shaved artichoke
- beet carpaccio - yes beets, not beef
- risotto with lobster and english sweet peas
- monkfish in a putenesca sause over polenta
- calimari
- giant prawns
- marinated sardines
- veal racks
- wild boar pannini
- rabbit (i don't remember much about the rabbit - i got such a small morsel)
- elk chops (i didn't care for the elk - it was a bit gamey and sort of tough)
the meal was finished off with a beatiful and refreshing slice of lemon tart. despite our trepidation, we all loved it. i have to say, usually when i have really low expectations of anything i'm almost always pleasantly surprised. i recommend it to everyone.

after we walked off the dinner a little, downtown on state street so mark could get a sweet treat at cold stone creamery (more horny sailors everywhere) we cabbed it back to the motel. heather went to bed so the rest of us walked over to what we thought was another divey bar, called "tee-off restaurant and cocktails" (the signage was perfect 50's neon) but in fact turned out to be a fantastic old school restaurant, complete with a padded entrance door, half round booths and a menu full of steak, steak, and more steak. what made it unique was that it had a golf theme. i noticed that there was a room divider made of giant tees sprouting up out of a planter and behind the bar, the drawer pulls were made of golf balls. golf clubs were affixed to the walls. the boys had scotch and annie and i had kahlua, bailey's and soda.

SUNDAY
i got woken up by those damn kids again, this time they were playing marco polo in the pool at 9 in the morning. as mark shaved and showered i watched the tippi hedren a&e biography (riviting - when hitchcock couldn't have her, he punished her by ruining poor tippi's career) and then we all headed to the santa barbara yaht club for lunch. pierson is a member of the wikiki yacht club and apparently most yacht clubs has reciprocal privileges. it was "opening day" so it felt particularly festive. we had a sparkling view of all the boats on the water and out on the deck was a steel drum player. i had a nice bowl of clam chowder and a seafood cake sandwich. why limit the cake to just crab?

we took a leisurely walk around the marina and then went to some wine shop that pierson and anthony wanted to go to before heading back to our real lives.

it was such a nice weekend. i love santa barbara. it's so romantic, unlike, say, palm springs which makes me want to do...let's just say "naughty things" and leave it at that.

i like to watch

2005-03-04T09:15:00.000-08:00

okay. so i sort of spy on my neighbors and i think they're on to me.

the bathroom window of the duplex bungalow next door is right across from my kitchen window. this past fall these two guys, a couple, moved in. they're kinda hot, like in a dirty sex pig kind of way. according to my other nieghbor, they are apparently very active. and loud (although i've not heard them). two hot guys next door having noisy sex 24/7. naturally my interest is piqued.

i then realized that i could see their blurry silhouettes whenever they are in their bathroom, and i should add, they are in their bathroom a lot. these guys must take like five showers a day. one wonders what exactly are they doing to get so dirty. so being a bit of a voyeur, i tend to take in the scenery whenever i happen to notice them in there, but it's not like i can really see anything. i mean, i can tell if they are wearing clothes or not, but it's not like i can make out length and girth. it's sort of like when i was a kid and i would hide out in our basement late on saturdays nights and try to watch the soft-core porn through the static, since my parents wouldn't pay for showtime or cinemax. i wouldn't say that i'm particularly steathy about it, but their window is frosted so it's not like they can really see me.

or so i had assumed. this morning the two of them were standing in the courtyard. we exchanged pleasantries, but they had this sort of look on their faces. one of them had a sort of knowing smirk and the other, maybe i'm projecting, a look of disgust.

listen, if they don't want me to watch them shower, then they should put up curtains.

the dumbing down of martha stewart

2005-03-03T15:10:00.000-08:00

it's the day before martha stewart is supposed to be released with great fanfare from "camp cupcake." i went down to the news stand last night (i still don't know the names of the guys who run it) and got the lastest copy of newsweek. the cover features a picture of martha stewart peeking out from behind a velvet curtain, a pink sweater tied around her shoulders and a bemused and impish smile on her face (the photo is the product of massive photoshopping which is causing a bit of controversy, one that i couldn't care less about and as such i'm not interested in discussing) the headline which seems more appropriate for in touch magazine, reads "martha's last laugh: after prison, she's thinner, wealthier and ready for prime time." very classy, newsweek, poiting out in the headline that martha's lost weight.

the article was written by some smug hack who seems only to have read other articles about the scandal. the author knows little to nothing about martha's appeal to her fans. the angle the article takes is that prison turned out to be a really positive thing for her, that it's brought out a vulnerablitlity that she was previously lacking. the ceo of clearchannel, who bought her new syndicated daytime show for several of his markets, thinks that "a chasened stewart will attract a broader audience." it's rather insulting that martha will be welcomed back with open arms by the great unwashed masses on the condition that the shrew has now been tamed.

for her new show, producer mark burnett, wants to "chip away at her reputation as icy queen of perfection" and bring out her "hidden sense of humor" on the show. that jackass from clearchannel adds that now she has a "healthy dose of humility" something trump is well known for. apparently burnett also thinks it's important that mistakes not be editied out of her new show. "if an egg falls on the floor, stewart had better be quick with a joke and a mop (a skill she's been honing)," the magazine smirks. right. we get it. she went to jail where she was humilitated by having to clean. burnett also wants to have themed audiences, like oprah, full of screaming brides or college kids, and you just know that they will try to shoehorn a desperate housewife or two in as guests.

this all makes me more than a little queasy.

martha's celebrity is extremely unique and to compare her to people like oprah or trump is useless. she's famous first and foremost for instructing people how to do things. and she does them in an attractive world full of gleaming stainless steel viking stoves and beautufully distressed shaker cubbards. part of her appeal is aspirational, yes, but she also provides a service and ideas. if you follow these step by step instructions, you too can create, say, the perfect baked chicken. in what way is this off-putting? why would she show how to make a lopsided cake or a dried up pork roast? for people to balk that she fetishizes the unattainable is a cop out.

there was once a time when i was pleased with myself for working through the complexities of adding a can of tuna or half a jar of salsa to a pot of macaroni and cheese i made from a box. watching martha, i learned. i wasn't always successful on my first try, but i learned from my mistakes.

I question if even mark burnett gets her. when asked in the article, if on her new apprentice spinof,f martha will dismiss people while sitting in her kitchen, rather than use a boardroom, burnett replied, "that's stupid ... that makes a mockery of a woman that created a multibillion-dollar empire." is he a moron? she built said empire FROM HER KITCHEN. martha's entire mantra is that cooking, cleaning, and keeping house is important and should be celebrated (and can be enjoyable, believe it or not). how is firing someone in a kitchen mocking a woman who began her empire with a cookbook, whereas forcing people who purport to be business men and women to battle over who can sell the most lemonade, not?

i'm pleased that people seem to be excited that martha is getting out, that her pheonix will rise from the ashes, but i'm a little less confident. people will be watching closely to see if her show does better than donald trump's and if audiences for her new daytime show don't rival, say ellen's, it will be perceived as a disappointment.

broad audiences don't aspire to make the perfect cock au vin. they want desperate housewives to reassure them that perfecition is futile and beyond grasp.

a sugar cube fizzes in the bottom of my flute

2005-02-27T00:27:00.000-08:00

through work, mark got invited to the after party for the independent spirit awards and this year for the first time he got a plus one. so after running to pavilions to pick up a few things on which to nibble tomorrow during the oscars, mark and i made our way to shutters hotel in santa monica where we spent the afternoon and early evening sipping drinks (he had vodka and cranberry and i had some sort of champagne cocktail that was garnished with a raspberry and a sugar cube that fizzed away in the bottom of the flute) and celebrity spotting. we saw:

- jesse bradford - so cute. he's like ron livingston jr.
- liev schreiber with a shaved head.
- the guy who played the phantom in that awful joel shumacher movie. he's actually really hot.
- the guy who played the beast on tv's "beauty and the beast."
- willie garson aka stanford blatch on "sex and the city."
- project runway castoff, austin scarlett (wearing an ascot). mark and i introduced ourselves to him and i mentioned that one of the executive producers on runway is the EP on the show i'm on now. he was very warm and gracious and had a surprisingly firm handshake. mark mentioned my blog and how the posting on wendy pepper got a lot of hits the day after the runway finale. austin actually bristled upon hearing her name.
- zach braff
- julie delpy wearing great shoes although i still kind of hate her.
- johnny knoxville wearing aviator sunglasses inside. he also wore a suit (i blelieve it was pin stripe) with what i'm pretty sure were the same pair of converse sneakers i saw him wearing at koo koo roo like two years ago.
- quentin tarantino who's gut was testing the buttons on his striped shirt. also in a suit and sneakers. he looked really sweaty and his hair was sort of plastered to his forehead.
- bai ling. unlike at other recent events, her nipple was NOT on display.

usually as these sorts of functions, mark chats with a succession of business associates to whom i get introduced or re-introduced. then i stand and smile politely as they talk business. sometimes whoever mark is talking to's plus one will engage me in chit chat and often i'm embarassed to say that i work in reality television. i tend to play up the fact that reality tv has its roots in documentary but they don't seem convinced. an akward silence unsues. i finish my champagne cocktail and notice that the sugar cube has completely dissolved into a thick, sweet paste in the bottom of my flute. time for another.

dramatic and delicious

2005-02-24T18:05:00.000-08:00

so my little project runway finale fete was fabu despite a small kitchen accident the involved me accidentally slicing off that very tip of my thumb.

my cabbage was braised to perfection.

my pork loins were juicy.

and my polenta was rich and creamy.

and what a nice surprise that the show turned out to be as engrossing as my meal was delicious. i've never seen such a dense reality show finale. usually when these sorts of things are stretched out into two hour events, they tend to feel flabby. but this was mesmerizing. when she wasn't refilling her wine glass or demanding more polenta, my friend annie spent much of the evening screeching venemous anti wendy pepper slurs at the tv. she even went so far as phoning another wendy hater during a commercial break when we didn't agree emphantically enough with her. the "c word" was used freely.

i was pleased that my long held suspicions that kara saun was playing the game just as much as wendy were found true when she had custom shoes made for free and then tried to weasle her way out of the insinuations that she was not playing by the rules. the arguement that ensued between she and wendy was pure bliss and wendy argued her point calmly and eloquantly. annie saw it differently, that kara saun was just being clever and professional. if by "clever" she means "sneaky" and by "professional" she means "self-righteous," then we're on the same page.

wendy pepper: yay or nay notwithstanding, my guests and i WERE all in agreement that kara's line was well done but for the most part uninspired. "again with the 30's?" my friend perry sneered. "we've SEEN it." we all thought that poor wendy's collection was sort of all over the place. however we delighted in her creepy smoking mom, but thought that she was using that daughter of hers as some sort of sympathy inducing prop. "new yorkers don't like kids!" perry stated authoritatively. we all loved jay's line but wondered what was going on with crazy old parker posey's hair.

by the time we finished the third bottle of wine and a pint of ben and jerry's, jay had been declared the winner and deservedly so. between the comfort food and the cat-fighting, it was a most satisfying evening. so few shows satisfy me anymore (the OC i'm looking in your direction). the creatively capitalized PoweR girls, starring leadfoot lizzie grubman, just might be a suitable substitute for runway. i hope.

my love affair with mackenzie phillips

2005-02-23T09:19:00.000-08:00

we had a power outage at my office yesterday late afternoon. i don't know if it had anything to do with the rains that continue, but i suspect as much. after straggling about in the hallways which where dimmly lit by random flashlights (or "torches," as my british office-mate edwina insisted on calling them) and a few flickering florescent emergency lights, and wondering what was going on and what was going to happen, wondering if there was ever going to be light again, we all finally decided it was best to simply pack up and leave.

i took the opportunity to go the the supermarket to get some supplies i needed. the finale of project runway is on tonight and we're having our friends perry and annie over and i'm making dinner - rosemary, garlic and balsamic vinegar marinated pork loins which will be roasted in the oven, braised red cabbage with apples and caraway seeds, and creamy polenta. i ended up going to three different stores before i found some loins that pleased me.

mark was off at the grove going to see the aviator. since the oscars are on sunday, he felt it was his duty. i felt the opposite, due to my hatred of leonard dicaprio, a hatred so intense it makes my face hot. so rather than endure yet another leaden scorsesse EPIC! (aren't all his films just SO IMPORTANT?) i sat at home and watched the one day at a time reunion special.

it was sort of wierd. bonnie franklin - who barely looks like she's aged, still with that hair, mackenzie phillips - who looks good, rough but considering what she's been through it's understandable, valerie bertinelli - who's face looks really wide despite the fact that she doesn't exaclty look heavy, and everybody's favorite handyman, schneider - who looks just how you might expect, older but not shockingly so, were gathered in a large spanish style living room filled with overstuffed furniture. i kept wondering who's house it was. it sort of had the feeling that bonnie invited all her former castmates over to reminisce and have some tea.

there were the requisite clips packages, montages featuring the perplexing clothing that single working mom ann romano and her daughters wore, and they even took a moment to talk about the show's bouncy theme song, one of my favorites of all the 70's theme songs - rivaled only by the jeffersons and of course mary tyler moore.

the best part was when the cast talked about mackenzie's "illness." they were really ellusive what her illness was. no one ever actually said that she was herion chic long before herion became so passe. really, she was very ahead of her time. they showed clips of her at the height of her adiction to sweet yam yam, as my friend brian refers to it. as a guitar plinks solemnly in the back groud, mackenzie is shown walking around in slow motion (for added poignance) like skeletor in high-waisted pants that were really tight on her pelvis and big baggy sweaters.

long gone are they days when the star of a tv show can actually admit that they have an addicition to sweet yam yam, leave the show to go to rehab, then return to the show like two years later, then fall off the wagon and leave the show AGAIN and then finally recover.

dear mackenzie phillips,
you are an inspiration and a survivor. i love your feathered hair and flaired pants. i love how all your clothes were either burnt orange or brown. i would kill to be skinny like you. you were a role model for all troubled and angsty tv teens. without you we would not have had darlene connor, denise huxtable, or marissa cooper. on behalf of america, thank you being a part of our lives, one day at a time.

love,
breckinridge

taking stock

2005-02-21T23:12:00.000-08:00

president's day. it just poured and poured.

much like my dear friend jessica, all this rain has been making me want to stay in where it's warm and cozy and cook. which is all i've done for the past four evenings. sunday night i made the most gorgeous roast chicken:

i served the chicken, which was perfectly cooked - moist and juicy - with roasted carrots, sweet potatoes, parsnips and brussel sprouts and to top it all off, i made a lovely gravy. i highly recommend roasting any and everything you can get your hands on. the taste can only be rivaled by perhaps a smokey grill and it will surely be the easiest meal you'll make that doesn't involve a microwave and a crisping sleeve. you simply shut the oven door and hang out for the next hour and a half. perfect for lazy cooks like myself.

as an added bonus, this meal left me with yet another chicken carcass to add to the collection i have in my freezer. i now had three total and according to nigella's book "how to eat," the base to the perfect pot of homemade chicken stock starts with the bones of three baked chickens. making stock from my carcass collection just so happened to be number 35 on my 101 in 1001 list. so with the addition of three carrots, a parsnip, a brown onion which i didn't even bother to peel, an entire head of garlic, several stalks of celery, two bay leaves, 10 peppercorns, a clove, salt, a bunch of fresh thyme, and about 8 cups of cold water, i had myself some stock bubbling away, steaming up the windows in my kitchen.

three hours later, during which mark and i finished a screener we had started about iconic power agent lew wasserman, i strained out all the bones and mushy vegetables and what not and what i was left with was a rich and flavorful broth.

i still need to let it cool and then skim off the fat, but after that who knows where this stock will take me. i'm thinking risotto.

101 in 1001 update

2005-02-20T23:50:00.000-08:00

saturday night i accomplished another goal on my101 in 1001 list:

60) Enjoy a bottle of Veuve Cliquot without using New Years Eve or an anniversary as an excuse.

so there we sat, sipping champers for no reason at all out of the gorgeous new flutes i got at crate and barrel. so causually elegant and glamorous.

hair apparent

2005-02-20T14:43:00.000-08:00

everyone can rest assured. i finally got my haircut. being ever so crafty i got up this morning and rushed over to rudy's so i could be there as soon as they opened. but just in case i still had to wait, i brought the new hollywood issue of vanity fair. mark's been raving about an article in it about the making of midnight cowboy. i however was transfixed but the scathing expose of kabbalah. damn you kabbalah! you ruined madonna. turns out my preparedness was in vain because by the time i found the midnight cowboy article, flipping past ad after ad after ad, the stylist assigned to cut my hair was ready.

every time i go there i a different person cuts my hair and to be honest, it can be a little hit or miss although i am typically very satisfied. this time was definately a hit. my stylist today was really cute in that rocker boy who just woke up sort of way. he was dressed in a navy blue hoodie, baggy dickies and he had a tattoo on his neck. and yet, he was not some sleepy rocker boy - he is all about hair. he does styling and color for magazine shoots (he refered to it as "editorial") and films, such as 21 grams (he did naomi watts' color) and the highly anticipated miss congeniality 2: armed and fabulous, plus he's even worked for my favorite hair product company, bumble and bumble. he said that he recently moved out here but still keeps his place in new york, where he also still works at a salon. refreshingly, he wasn't one of these tedious new yorkers who love to point out well worn observtions that people in la are vapid and that no one walks and that there is no culture. (god damn you, new yorkers)

he was telling me that rudy's was set to close early so the stylists can all head to the silverlake location for some sort of learning seminar. he said that while he's in favor of education, apparently these sort of seminars are usually run by stylists with questionable talent. "those who can, do. those who can't teach," he added confidentially as he snipped away. he noted in a way that was not at all smug that he probably knows more than the teacher anyway. i asked him if he might get in trouble for skipping class and he speculated that they might say something but that would be the extent of it. rudy's also requires it's stylists to complete a training program if they want to be able to do color. he was adamant that he was not going to go through this program either and that they should simply call the salon he works at in new york and ask them about his hair coloring skills. well, i for one, am convinced. if it's good enough for naomi watts then it's good enough for me.

now i am a big fan of dirty celebrity gossip so when he started telling me some dirt on oscar nominee hillary swank (who he refered to as "hillary skank") i knew once and for all that we had ourselves a connection. it seems a friend of his works as a manager at a very nice hotel here in la. one of my favorites. so miss hillary was staying there for the golden globes recently and she marches up to this manager friend of his, who is dining in the restaurant at the time, and taps him on the shoulder. she explains to him that the bed in her room is "giving her bruises" and that something needs to be done. he arranged to have a feather bed sent up but that was still unacceptable. she informed him that she wanted a special $5000 mattress shipped out. as you can imagine, the manager took care of ms. swank. for some reason i think chad lowe is behind all of this, planting thoughts in hil's head. "you don't have to put up with this discomfort sweetpea. you're nominated for a fucking oscar. go down there and tell them you REQUIRE a new bed." i can just see it.

after more conversation during which i explained to him what three strip cinerama was, he was finished. and i LOVE it! take my word for it, i look great. and i didn't even have to wait in a dreaded line.

figure it out!

2005-02-19T01:19:00.000-08:00

mark received the new computer he'd ordered earlier this week and last night he brought it over so i could give a little tutorial of sorts on how to use it. it's his fist computer not counting the one he uses at work, a beautiful 15 inch powerbook g4. i'm so jealous. i'm stuck using an ancient ibook that isn't even capable of burning cds. in between making tabbouleh, yogurt marinated chicken skewers and roasted cauliflower courtesy of my new culinary girlfriend, i helped mark get all set up. we connected to my airport and we created a hotmail account for him and then a little later, an AOL instant messenger account. we then sat in separate rooms and IMed one another. i even showed him how to change the little IM icon picture. he is now represented by a gorgous close up of liz taylor's beautiful, beautiful face whereas i am represented by raging and roaring bridezilla, star jones-reynolds.

after a dinner break during which we watched selected scenes from barbarella, i showed him how to access my impressive music collection (which is only impressive thanks to his superior DJ skills and stellar music sensibility) when we both have itunes open. he is so sweet and confused by it all and i won't lie and say that i never raised my voice. his lessons continued this morning and throughout much of the day. i explained how to bookmark and organize his favorite sites and we got him set up to do online checking with his bank. then we took a pilgrimage to the adelphia office in west hollywood to pick up his self-install cable modem kit which i began to connect but have as yet to finish. i had to go home where i spent the rest of the afternoon reading and making tomato sauce, half of which i used to make vodka cream sauce which i tossed with penne and served with grilled chicken sausage and crusty ciabatta.

i sort of feel bad that i'm not a better teacher. i get impatient and perhaps a little condecending. i suppose i share the same mindset of joan crawford as portrayed by faye dunaway: "figure it out!" my friend annie once had a job in the pr department of a major studio and her boss was a total mega-bitch. she was once assigned a task that she was unsure of how to complete and when she asked her boss, the boss snapped "figure it out, annie!" i secretly look forward to the day when i have an assitant whom i belittle, berate and bludgeon with phones.

my teaching methods may not be soft and cuddly, but i have to say, mark IS figuring it out.